We have moved

Hi all,
Hope everyone is having a reasonable day. We have finally moved from Gloucester to Malvern-and was the worst thing we ever did I think. It’s an over 55’s place so people on the side of us and underneath, and it’s the one underneath that is the problem. He coughs most of the morning then when we go to bed he is coughing and this morning at 5.30 am woke me up, coughing, never seems to stop for long. I know he can’t help it, but I think we should have been warned then we wouldn’t have moved in here, no doubt they wanted to get the apartment occupied. We have to stay a year before we can move, don’t know if I will last that long as it is not helping my fibro, I just feel so stressed all the time waiting for him to cough, and ear plugs don’t help much. The move was horrible to start with and then to find this noise as well was too much.
Just wanted a quick rant before I scream!

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Sue, you just vent all you want here! That’s part of our mission: we’re good at listening and sometimes just “getting it out” does a lot of good.

Maybe some folks here will have some ideas for surviving something that is so disruptive to your peace and enjoyment. Myself, I think I’d find the sound of children playing a lot less disturbing.

I wonder if he’s got a short-term conditon. If that’s a long term problem, he must have something really really wrong with him.

DON’T SCREAM!!! We’re here for you.


PS There must be something you really like about your new place. Do tell!

Hi, SueT.
I’m so sorry the new place is distressing! Your post made me think of an amazon parrot I had once that sounded like he had smoker’s cough! Can you imagine both the former owner of the bird and the parrot coughing continuously?! (Clarification -the parrot wasn’t “coughing” - He was making the coughing noise - I reread this and thought I should explain LOL)
I wonder if some sort of “white noise” in your apartment would help disguise the coughing. Could you speak to the manager about moving you - or moving the coughing neighbor? It certainly couldn’t hurt to ask. I wouldn’t want to deal with that either! Hang in there, and let us know how it is going! :purple_heart:

I think he must have a long term condition as the woman who used to live in this apartment was aware of it, and she was here for a year and then moved to a different apartment. I don’t blame her for moving.
Something I like about the new place? Hmm, not much, it’s a very small place, we’ve gone from 3 bedrooms down to just one, and not much room for storage. It’s very hilly around here so not too good for my back. I go for a short walk and in agony for days after.
All I can think of is we don’t have to pay for washing and drying clothes as they have a laundry room downstairs everyone uses, and it’s free. That’s about it for now.

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Hi AussieMom,
The parrot making the coughing noise must have been annoying, can’t imagine, maybe I should get a parrot, as long as it doesn’t cough Lol.
We have started to put the radio on in the mornings to block him out, but can’t have it on when we go to bed, the bedroom is where we hear it the most, although the apartment is so small you can’t get away from the noise.
My husband had a word with the manager yesterday, he said he had never heard this guy coughing and no one else has mentioned it! Once you are in these apartments, you have to stay a year before you can move-unless we move outside of the firm we rent from. TBH this move was bad enough, I can’t think of moving again just yet, unless it all gets too much. I don’t know, we seem to be stuck at the moment, it’s very depressing.

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Oh dear,

Sue…try to use white noise…like an air cleaner running, or a sleep machine that that plays rain or waves breaking on a beach…

We had looked at a beautiful condo ,last year…french country kitchen was to die for…but we noticed that when ever the couple above went on and off their balcony …that door sliding was annoying

Still …seems like you could find a way to mute that noise , good luck

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Yes, Sue T, Lmd had a great idea. We’ve got a sleep machine in the bedroom - It will do fan noises and a host of other things, but hubby likes to keep it on the thunderstorm. Anything would be better than “coughing!” Good luck. Let us know how it is going - I know your body needs some rest after the move. :purple_heart:

In the apartment where I live , the guy above me beats really loudly and suddenly on the wall or countertops day and night. I think he has ptsd and also reacts to any noise I make, like flushing my toliet, by beating on the walls etc. It was extremely stressful at night when everything else is so quiet.
I went to management, but they couldnt help. ( he has a history of violence). I ended up purchasing a really good ( loud) white noise machine from homedics for the bedroom which I turn on and run all night.I also researched ear plugs and bought a 50 pack of soft ear plugs rated NRR 32 from The Ear Buddy. I put in the ear plugs to sleep And turn on the white noise machine as well.
Research told me that there is a difference between the white noise machine which covers up the sound, and sound blocking which matches the sound and cancells it out. I cant afford the sound cancellation technology., but, maybe you will want to look into it ?Also, my neighbor wont modify anything, but if your neighbors have thick throw carpets down, it helps to absorb and muffle the noise. I even have considered installing those sound boards on the walls used for soundproofing music studios! Ugg, being able to have quiet for sleep is really important. I hope one of the suggestions helps, and that you find something that works for your situation.

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I am willing to try anything suggested, thanks to all for any suggestions, and will look into the soft ear plugs. I have some foam type ones but they don’t seem to cut out much noise. Same here with management, but as the guy at the moment is leaving soon maybe whoever takes over managing can help. They don’t seem to like to spend money though. My husband was thinking of putting underlay under our carpet to see if that helps but won’t be yet as none of the shops are open till mid-April and then not too sure what will be open. With the most noise (coughing) coming from below us, think it may help a bit.

A friend uses noise cancelling headphones (e.g. from Bose) at night (sleeps on her back), so I got them for my wife too, she uses them occasionally for her tinnitus. I used them over my (soft) in-ear plugs in the rheum./fibro clinic for 2 weeks, because of snorers in my room, helped a little bit, but makes it harder to find a good sleeping position at night of course, but as I c’d hardly sleep for noise anyway it was good to have them. I’d use them over ear plugs at daytime if I needed to.
When a neighbour opposite noisily ripped up her outside blinds at 5:30 I often woke with a start. I talked to our (also fairly loud) neighbour above, she new her and spoke with her, one problem less. I w’dn’t’ve thought.
So: Maybe some kind of talking about it with him, compassionate, looking for a solution, agreement, which rooms to use when, would help? Also asking other neighbours, if any others are involved. Since my neighbour up above indirectly realized where I sleep, she is now quieter too.
Maybe yours would welcome someone talking to him about it, inquiring. Maybe listening to him and understanding will not only help not get angry or desperate, but also realize how the cough works, so it’s more calculable/predictable…

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Hi JayCS,
I couldn’t use headphones at night as I don’t tend to sleep on my back, I did try a few times but could hardly walk the next day, so try not to lie on my back much. I am a fidget anyway and find it very hard to get comfortable in bed.
These apartments are very small with only bedroom, lounge, bathroom and kitchen. His bedroom is under ours so no matter where he goes, even in the lounge we hear him coughing. The manager has already said that he has never heard the guy cough and no one else has mentioned it to him. The cough is worse in the mornings and at night, just when we are trying to go to sleep.
My back and sides and stomach etc have been so much worse with pain since we moved, but am finding it very hard to even try to relax, I find myself just waiting for him to start coughing again-which he is doing right now! It’s starting to get to my husband now as well.

Hi Sue, yep, I see. I’m exactly the same. But headphones with the snorers still got me more sleep than without.
If I need some peace during the day I put in ear plugs as well… There are so many types nowadays it’s worth checking different ones out, like @Unique says (Hi Unique! :smiley: !).
Do you hear him just as loudly in the lounge when he is in the bedroom? I sometimes go to the room next door just to get to sleep since my half-deaf neighbours’ TVs are above and below my bed. But usually ear plugs in deep plus blanket over my head is enough.
Oh yes, and what about the white noise or soft relaxing music, like @Lmd and @AussieMom. I used youtube-clips for that in the clinic too.

Hi JayCS,
My husband got me some more ear plugs yesterday, I don’t like to use them during the day but if it gets too annoying I will-or turn the music up.
It is nearly as bad when we are in the lounge as in the bedroom as these places are so small. I told my husband to go tell him how annoying he is, but he doesn’t want to do that. We can’t be the only ones that hear him, it is quite loud. We have a ‘white noise’ music arriving today, but it’s frustrating that we have to spend money just to get a bit of peace-hopefully. May have to think of moving again, just to stay sane, not sure I am up for that though.

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LOL, I wdn’t either :grin:
And as a cougher, I’d answer: I’m quite annoyed myself, thank you very much. :rofl:
But what about asking him how he is, if he needs help? If he asks why… :smirk_cat: Or leave that part to the next day… Suggesting medicine, get taken to the docs by someone? Who’s helping him?

So there are others you can ask or talk about this… :slightly_smiling_face: - even if just to vent, but maybe more, who knows…

Hi JayCS,
So, after aparticularly bad night on Friday my husband did go and have a polite word with him about it. He did not realise that the sound carried so far and no one had said anything to him before. The lady who lived in our apartment before (we saw her the other day) used noisy traffic as her excuse to move apartments.
Anyway, the guy said he has had this tickly cough for 30 years, so no chance of it stopping any time soon. The first night we tried the ‘white noise’ machine was on a clock ticking sound, which didn’t work for us, so trying ‘waves on a beach’ and see if that is better. Plus ear plugs as well. No one is getting together at the moment to talk as we have lockdown.

Congrats, 2-3 steps further :bangbang:
Ah, but I do see the chance of it getting better, hope so!: Maybe he can get a better handle on it now, or has a higher motivation to go and do some more about it. Maybe he neede a nudge. He’s probably so used to it that he’s forgotten to self-care. Pity that it’s not possible to give him hints what to try. Did you feel he might try something? Praying he will.
Oh dear, I w’dn’t like a clock ticking sound at all either!
With talking I meant asking other neighbours in the same way as you’ve asked him, not having a coffee with the whole neighbourhood :rofl: But that wdn’t be relevant now you’ve managed to talk with him yourselves.
If it does get better next step might be to consider going round again in 1 or 2 weeks and complimenting, asking how he is, making sure there’s no bad feelings. Is he nice, was the talk nice?

So far he has been a bit quieter during the night, he told my hubbyhe would try to remember to cough into a towel then, so sounds as if that is working. During the day he is the same with the coughing but we have music or the TV on so can deal with that mostly.
I don’t know what he is like as I didn’t go to see him but hubby said he seemed ok about him going to talk to him.
Had my first vaccine shot on Monday and have been feeling pretty sick since then with bad arm, nausea, worse pains than usual. My back is a nightmare and has been for some time now, nothing seems to help. My legs aren’t too bad (touch wood) but can’t walk far as my back shouts at me all the time.
Hope everyone is having better day, hugs to all.

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Oh, of course, I forgot that one! :see_no_evil: In classical concerts everyone shd cough into their elbow, and CoV shd make it even more of a reflex…
Hope you’re recovering from the shot. My wife got one on Wednesday and despite a lot of nausea the last few days has just started hoovering, so must be feeling better… :relieved:

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30 YEARS??? Oh my! I’m really glad your hubby had a talk with him. At least he is aware now.

Sue & JCS, I had my second vaccine shot last week! I’m going to start visiting my granddaughter again soon. I miss our play dates!!! We are having my son, and family over in about a week. They didn’t want to get together (with step daughter living with us) until we were all (both families) vaccinated. I completely understand as daughter will go out to clubs with friends WITHOUT a mask. What is wrong with the 20 something generation not understanding that, while they might not get too sick with Covid, they can bring it home to “older” folks who could die??? Thank the Lord we at least have a way to survive it now… Okay I’m off my soap box. :upside_down_face:

I do realize that we have some very responsible young people in our nation that would never think of going out in public without wearing a mask. I’m sorry if my statement above offended anyone. I just read what I wrote and immediately thought “Well, that wasn’t fair at all!”

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I think he is trying to be a bit quieter, but we still put the music on in the mornings. Night times are a nuisance as I don’t sleep well anyway, can’t get comfortable with my back, but the ‘white noise’ helps cut the cough down a bit.
I still get the nausea but that might be from the fibro anyway-who knows! Glad your wife is feeling better.

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