The Impact of Grief

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Polyarthralgia in January 2015. My doctor and I have finally found a combination of medicines that help (a bit!). I am still having a lot of issues…pain and deep achiness in all muscles…every joint hurts…headaches…the meds are allowing me to sleep and have helped with the burning.

However…I am finding that ALL symptoms are now magnified even MORE!!! My Baby Sis was killed in a motorcycle vs. pick up collision…pick up failed to yield to oncoming motorcycle which was on a Highway! My Sis’s partner survived…very beat up though.

We currently live on the Oregon Coast which is absolutely horrible for me…as my condition, as I am sure many of you, is aggravated by the barometric pressure! YIKES!!!

So add the pressure system of the Coast with the sudden, tragic death of my Sister…and WHAM! Yes! I have felt like I was losing my mind! Fibro fog has been magnified what seems 1,000 fold!!!

Thankfully, I do have a friend in town that has Fibromyalgia! It has helped SO much to be able to speak with her!

I also am blessed with a supportive husband and son…along with family that help. However, it can be SO hard to describe how we are feeling! How we are fighting with our bodies! How we can have issues with our short-term memory!

I am finding that grief is magnifying my conditions so much that it is hard to work! It is hard, if at all, to attend Mass! It is difficult to drive a vehicle! (At least…to feel SAFE about driving! LOL) I mean…when you get to work and wonder how you got there?

I know that I am speaking to “the choir”…yet I feel impelled to reach out…to say how I am feeling…to see if others are also going through this grief sequence! New to this horrific journey!

Please don’t get me wrong…I have a very strong faith in God. I really truly believe that my Sister is now in Heaven…however…I am dealing with the REALITY of no longer being able to physically interact with my Sis.

I am SO thankful that my Sis and her boyfriend were able to come to where our son was participating in a Youth Day at a Gun Range in our hometown (which also allowed us a chance to visit my Mother-In-Law and Sister-In-Law!).

I am SO thankful for those smiles…the laughter we shared…for that huge hug and the I Love You we exchanged! That was the day before she died!

We were also the first (and only family of my Sis due to proximity) to be at the hospital that fateful Sunday, May 3, 2015. We got the call in the late afternoon…my Dad…he told me my Sis had been killed in an accident…then spoke to my husband as I collapsed and sobbed on the floor.

We then loaded up…my husband, son (age 11) and I and headed toward the hospital. I knew that I had to see my Sis. I also knew first and foremost that we had to see her boyfriend who had survived the crash!

Needless to say the next few days meant several trips (1 1/2 hours to and from) the hospital…the planning of arrangements…the design and set up of the handouts for the funeral and the Celebration of Life…yes…it fell to me. God granted me the strength to deal with all of this.

Once the funeral came…my body was beginning to magnify the allready existing conditions. The day of the Celebration of Life I had to use the wheelchair…it was SO hard to use my legs.

The exhaustion then took over…followed by the out of control symptoms. Thankfully I developed an infection in my eye and had to see my doctor. She then adjusted my medications to help.

I find myself more tired…it is SO hard to focus for any length of time! Yesterday we went to her house to look through everything…to get an opportunity be together as a complete family…to discuss what we want to do with her things.

I have not been able to attend Mass because I have been feeling so badly! It is hard enough to work my 5 hours a day (I am the sole breadwinner right now)…But…today…I had to go. I know that we had to light a couple of candles for my dear Sis.

Our son was blessed with the opportunity to be the sole Altar Server! I was so proud! It made tears well up in my eyes as I know that his Aunt was able to see him…I could feel her presence with us. I know that all will be “okay”…eventually…yet…

I am in the now! I am now living in the body that is COMPLETELY out of control! The body that hurts and aches more than words can describe…yet, I have to go to work tomorrow!

So I maximize my rest as best I can…I give myself permission to cry when I need!

I just hope that I can help someone else going through this…let us join forces! Let us unite our weaknesses to assist in giving strength!

hi stcy.. while reading your post i can feel the strength of your spirit and the loveliness of your being.I am sorry that your sis lost her life in such a manner. . there is the comfort that suffering has ended. i say that thinking and remembering the losses and the grief as my mother passed in 2011. then right after the other i lost 2 aunties, my brother and my dad. Five dear people to me in such a short time. Knowing that the suffering of illness ( for them) has ended and that they are free from the physical body gives me a modicum of peace but the void i feel in my heart is not so easily dissipated. But we journey on as we must and use our experience to ( as you say in almost the same words) hopefully learn things here as humans and help ourselves and others as well. I too, am blessed with a wonderful husband and daughter. I am glad you have a loving husband and son. Gratitude is good for the soul.. It was nice to meet you here.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS

suzie

Thank you for sharing with me! Huge hugs to you!

Sty,

I am praying for you. I am so sorry about your loss of your sister. I would like to give you a word of encouragement. I have been where you have been in taking care of my parents and losing them back to back. It is not at all easy, along with the fibro we suffer from. Now, you do feel as though you can not go on. You can and with the faith from God that you have. That is the only way. You are in pain for your sister and your family for this loss. Grief is terrible. Nothing can take the place of our loved ones. They will be our hearts forever and the memories no one can never take away. If it had not been for God and my husband I never would have made it to the other side of this. It is not easy. My prayers are with you. Hang in there. He will Never leave or forsake you. We will be with them again one day.

Thank you! I appreciate your words of encouragement! I too am so thankful for my Faith, my husband our son and my family and friends! We are united and supporting each other as best we can as each of us is working through this loss.