Hi everyone. I thought it time to update you all who have been praying or thinking of my daughter and her boyfriend.
In case you were not aware Dustin passed away on Sunday, his and Ashley's 31st birthdays. We don't live close enough for me to be much help to her right now. So on Sunday, when we took the two oldest boys home from their visit I took some large casseroles and odds and ends for the boys to play with.
This is a hard week for her. The final memorial service will be Saturday at the horse rescue ranch that they and many friends volunteer at. It is very appropriate because Dustin was a giver and a doer. Never sat still. Always doing something for someone. That's how he got to know Ashley. He took her in and the boys and now she knows what real love is. It isn't what she was married to and fathered her boys. It's caring and generous and kind.
So I will be as supportive as I can for Ashley. She has moved away because she needed a fresh start. I respect that. We have a good relationship now. We do text each other every day now (yae!). On Sunday she and her Dad spoke and embraced for the first time since she left us with her boys, 1 1/2 years ago. They cried together and I thanked God for the moment. The bitterness is gone. She has also called her older brother and made amends with him. She is courageous, this one.
I'm tired. I seem to be getting more fatigued as the week goes on. Today was a painful one, but I got showered and dressed, I made dinner and cleaned the kitchen. I hurt for my baby girl...my rough, tough, sweet, girl. To me she is still my baby.
Thanks for your support.
Kitty, you have been on my mind with all that has happened. I wondered about contacting you but thought I should wait a bit as you too have a grieving journey as has your husband. I am so glad that he and Ashley made amends as that frees him to begin his grieving journey.
So the Memorial Service is this coming Saturday. Yes indeed your Ashley is a strong woman and it seems that even though her relationship with Dusty was short, it has left a strong impact on her......for the better. It's good she has contacted her brother as well and made amends. This of course is part of her journey of sobriety. I'm sure she is attending regularly the AA meetings. There too is another source of support and strength. Now she still has her journey of sobriety as well as her grieving journey. I pray for her continued double journey. She indeed is drawing deep from her well of healing.
What about Dustin's boys? Where will they go now?
Kitty, it's no wonder that you are so tired now. For years you have tried with Ashley, but the road to sobriety can only be started by the person with the addiction. How well I realise that as my daughter will soon turn 49 and her long addiction with alcohol is continuing and she doesn't show any signs of addressing it. Sigh I tried for so many years to get her to go for help, but it never happened. So that says to me that she is not addressing her addiction. She is allowing it to continue.
It seems that Ashley is finding her strength and building on it, but you, your husband and your son will be watching and hoping that she continues this journey. It seems that the Horse Rescue Ranch is a very important part of her journey both with sobriety and with a true love with Dusty. There must be times when you would like to shout, "Why God did she have to lose Dusty? Why? Why? It isn't fair. She needs Dusty." I have already asked God about this.
Kitty, just let yourself unwind and BREATHE and take the necessary time to grieve and watch Ashley's continued growth. It's so good that the two of you text each other every day because you will get a sense of how she is doing.
Thank you for this update.
Kitty, I’m so sorry for your families loss. Hopefully the relationship and love they had together will give Ashley the strength to continue on her journey. I’m glad that she has turned around her life and accepted the love from her family and hope that it gives her the support that she needs to get through this.
You’ve gone through a lot in the last while, it’s no wondered that the fatigue and pain is getting to you. Take the time to rest and recover and time to do things you enjoy. Even before my mother died at 87, I was 60, she still thought of me as her baby girl. I don’t expect this will change for you over the years.
I’m sending hugs, sympathy and positive thoughts for your family and for Dustin’s family; it’s so hard to lose someone so young.
so very sad! sending love and prayers to you all xx
Even now on my 60th year my Mom still tries to "protect me and baby me" even though I am the eldest. The fact that I have suffered 2 TBI;s does a lot towards making this so, and I in turn, still do the same to mine/ So sorry for her loss, that is is terrible blow, when your life has finally turned around. So love her as you do, and we will continue to wrap both of you in our love and prayers.
I agree with Rachel that BREATHING is so important. I would suggest you take time each day, or whenever needed, where you turn off the TV, radio and the world and just exist in a world on quiet contemplation, just taking in the quiet world and taking deep breaths.
You and Ashley have been in my prayers since I heard about Dustin. I will continue to pray for you and yours.
R.I.P Dusty an Angel flying to close to the ground may he soar now to great height in heaven condolences to his partner, children and family, honor him by living right.
I admire you Kitty on so many levels. You are a special Mom, Grandmom, person-in-general. I couldn’t have done what you did/are doing. Gentle hugs, much love, God Bless.
I have just picked up on your'e story and I am so sorry. I know what it is like to lose someone so young, and when a family member is involved it makes it more heartwrenching.
Hopefully you and your'e daughter can move forward (small baby steps) and I pray all will come together.
I do feel your'e pain and thinking of you and sending you bigs scottish hugsxxx
Sounds like out of the pain, a lot of healing has already happen! Hopefully it will continue for all of you.
My heart aches for all of you. There are no words that really seem to convey all of this, but I am so glad that things got better with her Dad and brother.
Sending my love to all,
Hi Rachel. Thank you.
Yes, we will all be watching her on this journey and yet, as in al-anon, I will not allow myself to become dependent on her wellness. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, it's not meant to be. It was a hard lesson to learn after our difficulties.
BREATHE. Yes I am. I am taking time to relax. I have been swimming in joy at the same time I've been grieving for my daughters loss. It's a real odd feeling and has been the source of lots of fatigue this last week.
Dustin's boys will stay with their Mom and I believe they will be adopted by her new husband.
Love and Hugs,
You hit the nail on the head, girlfriend! I can't see Ashley going back into unhealthy relationships or an unhealthy lifestyle after living this way and knowing this kind of love exists. She doesn't have to have a relationship with a man at all and can surely wait to find a good and supportive one.
It's the same with my Mom. She was still my Mom right up to the end. And she mothered me to the end. I miss her every day. She was 87 too.
Thanks for the hugs and positive thoughts. It means a lot.
Love and Hugs,
Hi Moonstonebright. I don't think we've met yet. I thank you for your love and prayers so very much. I saw this poem today and already posted it on here in a couple different places. It's a peaceful poem that I think helps take some sadness away. I hope you enjoy it.
Love and Hugs,
I Rest in the Grace of the World
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake rests
in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.
I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light.
For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
--"The Peace of Wild Things" by Wendell Berry
Our Mama's are our Mama's forever and the same goes for our children.
Love and Hugs,
Thank you sweet Tammy. It is sad, but we have no guarantees in this life. His suffering lasted a very short time. He was himself right to the end. He is not struggling and has no pain now. He is at peace. I thank you for your prayers, because although Dustin passed away, the prayers of so many made that part of Ashley's journey less difficult. She told me of little miracles in their life over the last few weeks. Our prayers were answered. They were touched.
My fatigue is getting better. It helps that the memorials are all behind us. I did not attend, but knowing Ash was going through it was a stressor. That is better now.
Love and hugs,
Me too Pam. It was such a touching moment. One I will never forget. <<<sigh>>> And now she has resolution with her brother Rob. To top that off, her brother Frank is preparing to send her a text to begin anew. Now, the sister Emily. That's going to be a tough nut to crack. Glad I can count on God for that, cuz I am staying back from that one.
Thanks for always being there, Pam.
Love and Hugs
Marc, you're a good man. I appreciate the prayer that you shared so, so very much. Dustin's family is doing ok. It's a shock to lose your son at such a young age. I can't imagine what their pain is like. I know our prayers are helping them. They are good people and are very good to Ashley. She has been included in all of the final arrangements and they love her...and her 4 boys, my grandsons. Now, that's a lot of rambunctiousness to love!
I have been BREATHING. I love the concept. But I have had to just take the last week off - completely. We need to do that on occasion and sometimes for much longer than a week.
You take care,
Thanks for the beautiful sentiment, Jeannie. Your words are soothing and beautiful. Thank you.
Love and hugs
Sweet tricky, I really haven't done much. Lots of crying and being on my knees the last year and a half. Dustin was a great guy for my daughter and boy, what a huge loss. Truly, I just spend so much time thinking and wishing and praying, little else, except for a visit or two here and there. I appreciate the wonderful compliment you given me. It means a lot to me.
The admiration goes both way, miss tricky123. I hope you are doing well today.