So, my boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. Of those 3 years, I’ve been “sick” probably 2 1/2 years. I was finally diagnosed about 6 months ago!
Like almost everyone else, we were both pretty relieved and then of course…I started feeling trapped and isolated.
My symptoms (flares) continued to get worse. We finally discovered I have severe Osteoarthritis and need my hips replaced. The right one was the one really bothering me, so it was up first. I was supposed to go back to work mid December after surgery only to be told they were waiting until the first of the year to bring me back. Once the first of the year came, I was told that they would be unable to bring be back due to the length of time I had been gone and had replaced me. Only to be told several days later by the President of the company that they really do want me back and I should start in two weeks. Sheeesh! That’s a lot to deal with in a matter of a week.
During this time, my boyfriend and I decided that I wouldn’t explore new employment. I should just apply for disability and see what kind of insurance is out there for me and if we had to, just pay for Cobra insurance. It would be a hellofa lot cheaper than trying to pay for my Dr. visits and prescriptions!
Then, as I said…I was surprisingly called back to work. My boyfriend was happy and I was too at first. Now I am just freaking out! I spent two days this past weekend bedridden because of my pain. How in the hell am I going to go back to work!?
My boyfriend doesn’t understand because after all, I was working prior to surgery.
I tried to explain that I pushed myself SO hard to just get through the work day, let alone come home and cook and clean. He helps out as much as he can but he travels A LOT for work. He is gone about half of each month on business trips.
I really don’t think I can handle working full-time again but I am going to give it a shot!
In the meantime, he has asked me what he can do to help. Well, I would say housework but he’s usually not here. I would say cook, after all he is a chef…but again…he’s only here half of the time. So, I don’t know what to tell him.
Any and all input, opinions, etc would be GREATLY appreciated. Sometimes we can’t see what the problem is in our own lives when we’re in it…so please…some insight? I’ll answer any questions you may have!
i feel very bad that you r in so much pain. going back to work after all that u have been through may very well be just too much for you. i would apply for disabiliy if i were you it cant help. meanwhile talk to your boss about what you are going through and see what they can do to help. i know one member goes in at 10am instead of 8am i dont remember if she just works later to make up the hours of just works a shorter day. i know that going in later for her seems to help since we dont always get the sleep we need. i think that you need to make some changes in your work.
I know that it sounds crazy but even if you do go part time is there any way that you could pay for a cleaning service? maybe you can have them come just once a month or even every 2 weeks to help do the heavy duty cleaning such as cleaning the floors and bathrooms. that would save you a lot of time and pain. as far as cooking maybe your boyfriend can make more than usual and you could freeze it so that you have meals while he is away. it not to hard to doulbe what you are making.
i hope that others will be able to provide you with more tips. we all have ways to help ourselves when it comes to house work and cooking.
HELLO, I JUST WANT TO SAY, YOU REMIND ME OF ME!!! EXCEPT I WAS IN LAW SCHOOL. I HAD ONE YEAR TO FINISH AND IT WAS SO MUCH PRESSURE. I GOT SICK WITH MY LUPUS. THAN I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND MY BACK WAS BROKEN AND THEY BLAMED ""NOT THE MAN THAT DROVE A TRUCK AT 75MILES AN HOUR ON THE OFF RAMP OF THE FWY. BUT THEY SAID THE LUPUS, CAUSED MY BACK TO BREAK. LITTLE DID THEY KNOW. IT WAS NEVER BROKEN OR BOTHERED ME BEFORE. NOW I AM REALLY SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!MY MS THAT WAS DORMENT IS NOW ACTIVE AND MY FIBRO IS NUTS. SO, HERE I SIT AT 2AM IN CALIFORNIA TELLING YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. SO, I HAD A JOB OFFER AT THE UNITED NATIONS. THEY GAVE A PHYSICAL COMPLETELY. I WOULD OF FAILED BECAUSE I HAD MORE WHITE CELLS THAN RED!!! IT WOULD OF GIVEN ME A LIFETIME OF RETIREMENT AND MORE. I WOULD HAVE HAD HE EXPERIENCE OF BEING OVERSEAS. IN CHINA OR THAILAND.NOW I AM HOME MOST OF THE TIME IN BED. I AM DIVORCED AND TOOK ALOT OF ABUSE DUE TO THE FACT I WANTED A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE. I FINALLY DIVORCED HIM AND HAD A 2 YR OLD THAT HE NEVER SUPPORTED. WELL LIFE HAS NO GUARANTEES!!! IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU, HE WILL STAY NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR YOU.
I WISH YOU MANY BLESSINGS AND MAY GOD GRANT YOU YOUR HEARTS DESIRES.
AND SERVICE DOG RUSH (GOOD LUCK) EMAIL ME SOMETIME AND LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING.
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ pss THE MAN RAN THE RED LIGHT AND HE WOULD OF TIPPED OVER WITH HIS TRUCK OR HIT US. HIS OPTION WAS TO HIT US!! HE IS FROM SEBRIA
Well I was fired from my job after being 5min late mind u I worked an 1hr later the night b4. I had a minor stroke a year b4 and many pains but still managed to do my job. The doctor I had worked for b4 for 4 yrs was very understanding. His replacement wasnt. So I filed for unemployment was denied and told to go get a job for atleast 3mo and then I could get fired and collect. Its crazy. Iv now been unemployable for 4yrs and iv filed for disability. Thats been a nightmare. If im declined this time I get to start all over. Myhhusband also works most of the yr out of town. Its hard to deal with all of it. Some days I need help to get out of bed just to go to the bathroom. I hope u can find helpeeasier than I have. I was told that if I had seen a psychologist and was told I was bipolar or something along those lines then I would have got my disability aproved 1st time around. Its sad but true. Good luck.
Thank you all for your replies!
Eeyoreluver, I never thought of having him freeze meals …duh! Thank you so much! I am almost afraid to ask my boss for accommodations now after basically being fired and then brought back because he realized I had a lawsuit. We could still afford a cleaning lady but if I am home, I just feel like I should be doing it. Like it’s the least I can do.
Michele, I am so sorry about your career and marriage. I think he’s a keeper but sometimes could use some sensitivity training. lol He just doesn’t ever really worry about anything, which is good and bad.
Callie, I don’t even want to think about applying for disability but I probably will have to. I am going to try to tough it out at least 3 months and see how it goes! Hopefully I can make it.
Tina. First, it sounds like you have a hell of a guy there. He doesn't appear to be bailing or be freaked out about the future. The good news is that you are just a baby when it comes to FM (I mean that in a good way). The longer you have it, the more experiences you will have and the more you will discover what you can and cannot do. You then take those parameters and apply them to your life. Assuming you keep at a good weight, exercise/move on a regular basis and DO NOT GIVE INTO THE DISEASE, there is no reason you should fear the future. Travel is still on the list but sitting through the opera or three hour movies is not. Cooking is something you are able to handle but cleaning up the mess is something you need help with ("Oh handsome BOYFRIEND....").
Seriously, have fun learning your parameters!!!!!!
I learned that as I tried each new experience (I mean "new" as in new because I'm now trying it for the first time with FM), I was able to determine how I would live my life. What you have is a guy who is willing to fill in the gaps. Can grocery shop but can't get the bags inside and unpack? It sounds as if your fella would help there. Can wash the clothes but can't put the sheets on the bed? Sounds like your fella would help out there too.
I have to tell you that you are in a enviable position. You are about to discover what aspects of your life are feasible AND YOU HAVE SOMEONE AT YOU SIDE TO COMFORT YOU IN THE EVENT YOU NEED THAT! Pretty sweet!
Yeah, he’s pretty awesome! He can and will do all those things if I ask, my problem is that he’s just not here all that much.
I guess I’ve been spoiled the last few months because he doesn’t travel much during November and December. Of course that’s when I scheduled my surgery and now things are just worse than ever and I’m afraid of what I’m going to do when he’s not here.
I guess just a freak out time for me, especially with going back to work.
I just don’t want him to be disappointed in me if I can’t do it, or think that I’m really able to do it but just don’t want to. We have discussed this and he says that he wouldn’t feel disappointed and we are lucky enough that I don’t actually have to work. I worry about the insurance aspect and he is worried about that too. I guess when the time comes, we will have to go talk to an attorney about disability. In the meantime, I need to learn not to worry so much!
I guess it is much less nerve wrenching having already been approved for disability insurance but I sure remember the times when it was up in the air. All I can tell you is this. THERE ARE THINGS YOU CONTROL AND THINGS YOU CANNOT CONTROL. DO WHAT YOU CAN ABOUT THE THINGS YOU CONTROL AND DON'T WASTE TIME WORRYING ABOUT THOSE YOU CANNOT CONTROL. Things you can control include what you are doing in terms of dealing with your current pain, weight, amount of sleep, exercise, whether you have items that help deal with FM (like moist heating pads, theracane or vibrating wand), etc., Don't waste time worrying about when disability will be determined, what happens after that if the answer is no, the weather, if you already had a bad night of sleep, what other people think, etc.,
Hi Tina - oh my gosh! I felt like I was reading about myself in some of the things you mentioned. About 7 years ago, I had to retire from working at a hospital, because my Fibro was getting SO bad. If you are in this kind of pain, please go back on disability so you can have the time to take care of yourself. I am on disability and it's not the greatest thing to be on, financially. But I didn't have a choice. I understand what you are saying in regards to your boyfriend not really understanding what you are going through. This seems to be a common and legitmate complaint that we fibros are up against. Tina, don't make the mistake I made when I was working - and that is - don't 'push' yourself when you are in pain. It only makes it worse. If you boyfriend loves and cares for you, then he would take the time to sit down with you and listen to what you have to say about you disease. It's very frustrating trying to explain what I go through to people that have never had Fibro. Don't feel bad if you find that working full-time isn't working for you. You need to take care of yourself. Fibromyalgia is NOT for the faint hearted! It takes a lot of strength and courage for us to live through each day the best we can. If it means you can't work - It's okay. We all have the tendency to really stress out about things, as this is what got me into the Fibro to begin. I am a GREAT stresser!! LOL I stress about everything and I guess it's part of who I am. When people see me on good days (very rare), I am zipping around, full of energy and just relishing being pain free for a little while. This is what they see. So a couple of days later - my friends will see me limping and in a lot of pain. They don't understand how I could be running around and then all of a sudden get a flare-up that leaves me exhausted for many days. I had to learn to be patient with my body, Tina. This is one thing I have learned out of all I go through with FIbro. Patience and the ability to be kind to yourself is what you need to develop. I don't have any answers for what to tell your boyfriend. You are not alone in trying to explain to him what you go through. Take care of yourself and keep us informed on what decision you come to for your job? Gentle hugs! Laurie
Hi Tina, I have to agree with Laurie, but if you feel like you want to give it a shot…
I went on disability for a bowel infection back in June, that was after i had already decreased my hrs to about 30/ week for about a year, and I knew even with the fewer hrs I felt like I was dying. Events continued one after another preventing me from going back to work, every time I tryed to return… I just couldn’t do it, I was done pushing myself, worrying everyday how I would get through the day& how I would be bedridden the entire weekend after working 2 days in a row, I guess when we have pushed till we can’t push anymore we know it, without any doubt. I knew I would miss my job, the money, the security, health ins. Life ins. All of it was so scary, I have been out of work 6 months now and I do miss my job so much !! But I also know I worked as long as I possibly could, and that there is no way I could work now, the disappointing part was that not working did not get rid of the fibro, but I can focus on my health and being the best I possibly can, with this pain and fatigue.
Your boyfriend sounds amazing, he is for sure a keeper, it sounds like he will understand what ever you decide, and don’t be afraid to tell your employer you need to work part time.
I’m sure the stress of thinking you had lost your job in Dec. put enough strain on you, along with recovering from surgery all makes sense as to why you still don’t feel able to work.
God Bless , I hope you make the right decision for you
Can I just say GOD BLESS THIS SITE AND ALL OF YOU HERE!!
You are my sanity and as weird as it sounds, the sister I never had who I can talk to about anything!
I haven’t been here long, but I seriously love you guys. You know what I’m going through and as much as I wish you didn’t…that is a seriously comforting thing, knowing I can talk to others who know EXACTLY how I feel, physically and emotionally.
Thank you all XXXX
Tina - I feel the same way you do. It was a real blessing that I found this website! I had looked at others in the past - but couldn't find one that appealed to me. To be able to communicate to others what I am going through and for them to say, ''we've been there and we know how you feel,'' has made me feel SO much better.That feeling of isolation is starting to dissipate for me now. When I get up in the morning, I am horrendously stiff and sore, All I have to do now is, go to my computer, click on to this website and it's a whole different world that I have entered The love and acceptance that I get is just overwhelming for me because I have been so conditioned to live with my Fibro, feeling pretty much alone. It's good to meet you Tina. Take care of yourself! Hugs! Laurie
I did a stupid move this week. I went to a job interview for a full time job at a law firm. I doubt I can work full time, as I havn't in years and even when I did, I called in way too many times. This job would be temp-to-hire through the agency. It was interesting as the attorney interviewd five of us all at once! He has a few openings and firm is moving to a new office as they are growing. He does have file clerk open, which I what I want. I made it clear that I hate answering phones. Phones make me nervous and flare up big time. No, I didn't share about the flare ups.
Of course family and friends are excited that I had the interview. I guess they forgot that at the last job I had at a firm, I could not even work the 20 hour schedule. They were just very gracious and understanding. I regret going to the interview and getting everyone's hopes up.
I will try to stay home as long as possible to finish up writing books that I started. I may have to work, but it will be part time away from PHONES. Please keep us posted.
I stopped cooking except on rare occasions when my boyfriend can help me with the heavy lifting. He is learning how to cook this way.
My aunt comes once a week to do laundry. I pay her. I pay my housekeeper once a month. My boyfriend cleans the kitchen every Sunday. I don’t care as much.
Find in here The Letter For Normals. There is a link somewhere.