I hope this will all make sense cos I'm a bit foggy but I just cannot accept this! I have been suffering with pain & mobility problems in the extreme for 2 years now. I got the flu but the pain just stayed. Before this time I had a few complications that I had learned to deal with esp. as I thought it was due to my sickle cell trait. I would be sensetive to cold weather and get pains in legs & arms which I would treat with hot baths, hot water bottles etc. I would have & still have a sudden sharp shooting pain from my left foot into my leg. 20 sec sudden chest pain which I could only deal with by not moving and breathing very slowly. About 5 years ago I had these pains so hard that I ended up going to the emergency room. They suspected a stroke and did a bunch of painful test only to conclude that it wasnt. I was a IT Manager which was alot of work as I am also a Mum so my Doc always said I was stressed when I came to him with sleeping problems & eating problems. but I was always active: Gym, dancing & I used to walk lond distances frequently.
I had just moved countries with my daughter after separating from her Dad (another story), I had a good job, money, a nice apartment and was having fun & enjoying life then a shift in weather (autum)...I got the flu. I didnt thik much of it. From then on my hell started. The pain stayed..on days I was crawling through my house..I went to sooo many doctors...lost my job..lost my apartment...lost friends & relatives who thought I was lazy or just strange. They tested me for everything but found nothing. I dont even know all the meds I took ( the last one is Gabapentin - a muscle relaxer). They either concluded that the didnt know or that I was depressed! One did mention Fibro at an early stage but explained it as a condition that suddenly makes people fell pain & no one knows why and there was nothing that could be done about it. I saw it as him just trying to come up with something so I leave him alone. I stopped going to doctors cos I felt I was one step away from being labeled crazy and I could afford that as I have a daughter & I was scared of what would follow. And I am inteligent enough to know the all I was feeling and going through was very real! Today I am 33 but I feel like 83 on most days. I cant sit & cant stand for long, I cant reach & I cant bend. Stairs = hell. I have developed some kind of breating problem (coughing due to shortness of breath that subsides after a few mins). Working..NOPE! Housework is so hard...my back burns when I just stand to wash the dishes. I forget the simplest things...I know I have started talking differently and it takes alot more effort.When I do go out with friends (that have no idea I am ill cos I cant explain it and dont want to), I cant dance for long,I can nolonger wear heels; my shoulders burn so bad & my arms get heavy & my feet kill me that I can hardly walk home.Luckily I have a boyfriend who is extremely suportive but I feel like a burden to him mostly. BUT of course I DON'T LOOK SICK & have no diagnosis!
It snowed 2 days ago & I have been totaly out of action since then.My hands hurt typing this and my fingers are getting numb. I am glad I found this site cos you all are going through things exactly like I am and I dont feel alone or crazy any more but at the same time I realise that it will not get better and I find it hard to accept this! How do you live when you cant really do anything?? My life has been RUINED & I feel a failure. How do you guys cope? The pain is driving my insane,I am always tired, I cant make plans, I have lost all success & money.I wanted to have more kids... SO IS THIS IT???? What keeps you going? How do you cope? I dont care what anyone says I feel its getting worse. My daughter cant even tickle me to cheer me up like she used to & if the dog jumps on me...*@%&$§$!!
I know I should find a Doc but how do I accept it for my own sanity? When you've been through so much already in life this just feels like a totally undeserved curse.