I am really struggling today and for a change it isn’t the pain levels that are getting me!
This time of year is rougher for me anyway due to family issues and this year things are really getting me down. I was even trying to decide this morning whether I should just paste a smile on my face and cheerfully wish everyone a Merry Christmas or if I could actually get away with growling Bah Humbug!
I’d smile and be cheery around everyone then go to the bathroom and bah humbug away-maybe even into the mirror, 
I’m a believer that a smile has the potential to improve your mood in a positive way-even when all I feel like doing is sitting on the sofa and grumpily browse the web.
I too am really struggling with pain, mood and concentration. The brain fog and fatigue are really dragging me down, too. But, I feel there’s no point in dragging anyone down with me, so I do my very best to put that smile on my face and pretend like all is well with me and the world, most days (today isn’t one of them; I’m a blob of miserableness today).
Nevertheless, our feelings and emotions are ours and they often take away any positiveness we have. So, smile when you feel like it and do not feel guilty if you’re just not up to pretending and bah-humbug away.
Merry Christmas
((Soft hugs)) Kim
Willow3 - Thank you! Usually, no matter how bad I am feeling, I can paste a smile on and at least attempt cheerfulness. Yesterday though nearly got the best of me. Seemed like no matter which way I turned there was something else - be it upsetting news, reminders of family or friends or whatever.
I lost both of my grandparents on my dad’s side this month - my grandpa 10 years ago and grandma 7. And I lost my grandpa on my mom’s side 2 years ago come January. Just hit me hard yesterday.
Oh my! I’m so sorry. No wonder you don’t feel much like being cheery. My grandparents have been gone about as long and I miss them, especially during family get-togethers, like Christmas. The holidays are just hard to get through sometimes and staying cheerful through all the stress is even more difficult. So, please don’t be too hard on yourself for being sad.
Praying you feel better soon and the memories of time spent with your grandparents will bring you comfort.
@strugglinginKs and @Willow3, I’m so glad that you’re reaching out and active on this thread! While the whole world runs around acting like they’re making merry, many of us, and especially those of us whose lives have been touched with a rare disease, do find the holiday season to be a very difficult time.
That’s why we’re all here: social and emotional support. And don’t forget, Ben’s Friends is here for you during the holidays as well, and we’ll do our best to make sure that if you need it, you’ll find support here. Did you read my message in “General”?
So hang in there, and hang out here. We get it, we really do.
Seenie
PS do you mind if I “invite” a few others to this thread? You aren’t the only two struggling. No, make that three … I’m feeling it too. 
Not at all! The more the merrier - and I do mean that!
I’m fine with inviting others as well. 
Thanks. I thought some more about it and decided to make a companion thread to this one instead. Let’s see what happens.
S
Hi S.K. , I’m sorry to hear about your losses. Tomorrow I will be slapping a smile on my face. I have found, at times, that doing so actually changes my mood. I pretend to be happy. Those around me start smiling. Laughing may begin. And I really start feeling happier. I temporarily forget about my physical and emotional pain. This year in general has been really hard. We’ve had political unrest, weather/ fire catastrophes, Covid, and more. Some of us have had to keep our fibromyalgia a secret, had doctors treat us poorly, and have not had people show us kindness and compassion. The best thing about 2020, for me, is finding all of you. 
This site has been a blessing for me. I am not judged. I am supported, cared about. I don’t have to pretend. I can be “me”. You are my family. And my family lives all over the world! That’s amazing! Not many people can say that about their family!
That is what I have been trying to do, and most of the time I can. For those times when it just doesn’t happen I try to find a quiet spot and have my grumpy Bah Humbug moment, then I dry the tears, paste a smile on and hope for the best.
Sometimes I feel like a HUGE hypocrite or fake though. I am smiling, laughing, teasing others, piling in and helping however I can to make things brighter, better for others . . . and yet if they could see inside, see how I am really doing . . . sometimes the facade cracks and they catch a glimpse of the pain, the hurt, the darkness and the ugliness that is inside, but then the gap is closed. It isn’t safe to let the crack widen too much, to let someone inside, it is too dangerous. And so I go on smiling, laughing and all the rest and I bury it all - physically, mentally and emotionally.