Having a terrible year.
Every single day i’m in 8/10 pain while i’m just lying in bed. Dark thoughts come to haunt me every few hours.
I started taking LDN, Gabapentin, and Cymbalta a few months ago as my new pain specialist has advised. No bad reactions, but nothing is improving.
I’m 25. I’ve had this for 10 years. It took away my prime years. I’ve never been able to aquire myself a degree. I’ve never worked even a part-time job. I grieve every day for the person I used to be. Sports and exercise were my getaway.
I’m scared to continue my life because I don’t want to bring children into a world of pain and illness. I also don’t know where my breaking point is, but I feel it’s not so far away from where I am now.
My husband is the only reason I keep on going, he has been for 7 years. Sometimes I feel like I should’ve let him go, so I could let myself go.
I don’t know how to help myself.
I have these thoughts daily.
I don’t remember the last day I wasn’t in tears.
I wish I could be numb, this pain is unbearable.
Am I dying? Because this does not feel like life.
Yet i still continue every day.
I won’t do anything stupid despite the constant thoughts, I just needed to rant and get all of this off my chest.
I hope this year has been kinder to everyone else <3