Found my way here after a doctor suggested, or rather insisted, that I find some type of support or expressive outlet. I’ve gotten used to keeping most things to myself, but its been harder this year and I guess it’s starting to bubble over a bit.
I ended up with Fibromyalgia in my early 20’s, after a case of what was deemed to be food poisoning in 2013. The nausea passed, but the pain in my legs became so bad I couldn’t really walk. The pain never completely went away and 6 months later I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I continued to experience more symptoms like fatigue and allodynia, the pain moved from my legs to my whole body. After a couple of years I was experiencing symptoms less often and kind of established a new baseline normal as it were. I was able to be a full time student, work multiple jobs in addition to volunteer/sport commitments, and could handle the stress and long days (not really, I’d fizzle out month or so, then every couple of weeks and by the time I graduated it was complete burnout). Point being that this is the standard I’ve come to hold myself to, and is also how a lot of people in my life see me too.
Last summer (actually almost 4 years to the day since I’ve had Fibromyalgia) I ended up receiving a rather bad concussion. I experienced the typical post concussion symptoms, light/sound sensitivity, confusion, brain fog, fatigue. Less than a month later I was diagnosed with Freiberg’s disease, which had been causing the pain in my feet and unfortunately has no easy solution. So when some of symptoms stuck around I assumed it was related to stress. When the symptoms seemed to come back and get worse doctor’s assured me that that couldn’t be the case. In December these cognitive symptoms and the Fibromyalgia got worse again, took me till February to realize that all of this was my Fibromyalgia coming back full force.
Coming to terms with this (as well as the Freiberg’s) has been extremely difficult. I just started my MA this year, I have to maintain a certain average to stay in and trying to focus on/do the work is getting harder. Things that were once relatively easy are now a challenge. Coming to terms with the fact I may not be able to reach career goals as a result of these new symptoms has been upsetting. I find I’m becoming increasingly apathetic. I’m also becoming increasingly isolated. Work and school are mainly done from home/an office by myself, many of the people I used to have as supports aren’t anymore. I find it difficult trying to talk to my family about any of this, usually end up feeling dismissed and frustrated (they do try, it’s just not helpful to me). It gets harder and harder to open up about anything, I hate being ‘the sick person’ so I tend to lie about how I actually feel for the sake of polite conversation. This probably doesn’t help things are people now just assume I’m always fine and don’t really listen when I try to say I’m not. Just kind of at my wits end I guess.