New Member in need of Understanding and Support

Hello, everyone. My name is Moe.

I’ve never really been part of an online support group… actually, the only support group I’ve ever been in was the year I spent in Narcotics Anonymous, and that was a really great experience.

I decided to join today because I’m at the end of my rope.

Last week, I was ill with some virus that caused me to miss work all week. Then, I woke up this morning with the intent of ‘knocking “it” out of the park,’ only to realize it was going to be, what I call, a ‘BAD’ day. I made it to work (a reserve agent at Farmers), and I attended a meeting, though I’d had a bad feeling about it since it was scheduled. My ‘career coach’ basically said we weren’t working hard enough… I wanted to die. Literally. I’ve battled suicidal ideations since my failed attempt at 16. This is the first job I’ve really loved, but some days it feels impossible to give even a portion of what others are able to do. I can’t give up, but I want to so badly.

It doesn’t help matters that my husband, a smart man in his own right, just doesn’t understand. When we met in 2005, he knew I had bipolar disorder; still, he sometimes doesn’t connect my symptoms with this broad diagnosis. Diagnosed at the end of 2008, and with most of the time between spent as a contractor in Afghanistan, he doesn’t understand BAD days. He forgets that poking me jokingly feels like a salt encrusted dagger. So, he says, “But you spent all last week resting… how can you still be tired?” and “What am I supposed to get from ‘my hair hurts?’ No one’s HAIR hurts.”

What’s also awesome is that my mother has Hashimoto’s, and she works 10 hour days as an English teacher in middle school. She just does it because she “doesn’t have the option of doing anything else.” So, while there is some sympathy, there’s more of a ‘put on your big girl panties’ attitude.

I guess I’m really just looking for other people who understand.

My hair hurts.

I’m too tired to sleep.

I have more pain than any pain medication can touch.

I can’t take Fibro medications because of their interactions with my ‘crazy’ meds.

I have no hope that this will get better.

And I’m not being lazy or whining to get attention…

I’m barely hanging on to the end of this rope, and I need people who understand that…

hi moe.. i surely do understand as most of the people on this site as well. it is not easy for the one who is sick and those that are around them, spouses, other family and friends. many people with these illnesses also deal with emotional and mental illnesses as well and often trying to find the right combination of meds that help with as much as possible without causing interferences. i just wanted to say hi but will talk to you more another time. all the best to you and big HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGs

suzie

Thank you, Suzie. :)

Hi Moe,

I am glad you found us and I am sure you will be glad you did too. On this site you will find understanding about what you

are going thru, you will find support and suggestions. Please do not go away, keep coming back.

My faith gets me thru every day, so you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Jackie S

(((HUGS))) I can empathize with you. My big girl panties have holes in them and are falling apart at the seems I've put them on so many times. I wish I had answers for you. I don't. I'm sorry. Just know that we are here and if you ever need to talk just let me know. I'll listen.

Hi Moe. I completely understand. I have been there and so sorry you are there now. It is very hard for other people to understand. I find my symptoms unbelieveable myself. :slight_smile: Please hang on and try not to be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with. There are many people here who I know will understand as well…you are definitely not alone. Hopefully venting on this site will help you a bit.
Take care and get some rest.
Best wishes,
Melyn

Hi Moe.
I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Many of us don’t get the support and understanding we need from friends and family and so we come here. This is a great group of people. Glad you made it here.
Take it day by day and know we’re here for you.
Laurie

Thank you for your warm welcome!

Thank you all for such a warm welcome!!!

I have trouble taking more medication than I'm already on... my liver and kidneys have a hard time. I take iron supplements and I'm still on Rx pain killers (just strictly the prescribed dose) for my back, but nothing I take touches the pain.

Hey that's my line...My hair hurts...and that just about says it all....I am new to this sight but can identify with all of your symptoms.....although I do not have bipolar disorder I suffer from depression.

From what I have read.....I think that we all can relate and understand the total frustration in treating this horrible condition....I have asthma and cannot take alot of the meds because of side affects affecting breathing...

I am hoping that we can all benefit from the support of others like ourselves often at the end of our rope

Tammy

Hi Moe,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Although we are all different we al have our share of strife. I think whats really hard is when you need the support of someone important in your life, for instance your husband. Hopefully we can help with that, here. I am so thankful for my fibro med. I tried to quit it last week and got very sick. But It reminded me where I started pain wise. So you have my sympathy. Please hang on to that rope. I find it helps to write in a journal. Its good to get thoughts out of my head and on paper. Listen to some fun music with your eyes closed to relax. Sometimes the little things are what can get you through.