Need som quick not-so-fibro-related advice

So my ex messaged me last night on instant messenger, telling me he made it home safe (I don't even know where he went), not to listen to my mom and that he still cares about me, he misses me, tells me he needs time. Then he goes on to say he hopes I get that message in the morning and then wishes me good morning and a good day and saying he needs time again. What the...? lol...I have been a mess for a week and a half, telling myself its over and to move on and if anything I have been feeling worse and worse with the fibro. Now this? Any advice will do! Should I message him back? Ignore it? Help!

Monday night he told me we shouldn't talk anymore, that I needed to move on because I couldn't wait for him, it wasn't right. I am so confused! :/ thanks in advance...

Ashlee

My ex treated me the same way. He needs time... He can't be there for me... He needs patience...

It was so confusing and painful for me. I loved him and was committed to our relationship. I was always there for him. We lived together for seven years. Even though I am sure he didn't realize he was treating me badly after he left me, he was using me to get over me and I was powerless because I was in love with him. It was kinda like he was in rehab from a drug, but I was the drug. In the end, after several years of separation and confusing torture like this for me, he ended up leaving me for good. I think I could have pulled him back in, but I wanted him to find himself and then come back to me. It's been two years since he left and I haven't heard from him. I won't dare call him as I can't bear his rejection again. I can only hope he is happy.

I think your ex surely is confused and in pain as well, but remember, HE left you because he wanted to leave you. You need to do what feels the best for YOU and not him. Insist he find the answer without your involvement and give him space. Space will provide you with alot of insight away from your emotions. Believe me, it's very difficult, but then you will know if it's you or just being in love that he misses and needs.

Bless you Ashlee. They are such a headache aren’t they! You need to tell him to be little clearer and less stressful for a start to respect you and your illness I’m thinking. Have a chat about it and see how you feel in your heart.

Personally I couldn’t deal with the stress but I will fight for what I want in my life. What do you need in your life sweetie?

As much as it was hard to read this, I feel you are right. The part of using me to get over me. He's all over the place. He said I was his longest relationship too. I decided not to reply back since there wasn't really anything to reply to. I think he is expecting me to but no where in his message did he say i love you or i want you back so I think i am going to leave it as is and see what happens. Sad part is, I was really excited to get his message, this is the first time he has tried to contact me other than when he sees me out and about. Ugh...politics...thanks for the advice :)

Jo, I have asked him and he said he doesn't even know thats why he need time. Good god what is there to think about lol...Like i mentioned above, this is the first time he has contacted me on his own and there wasn't really anything to reply to. So I am just going to leave it alone. If he misses me like he says, abscence makes the heart grow fonder right? :)

Hi Eng, it definitely sounds like he is keeping you on a string, he don’t want to loose you completely , yet he don’t want to be in the relationship right now either. Men are oh so good at not letting go because they know when a women loves them… So don’t be surprised if he tries to keep you from letting go, an occasional tex, phone call, e-mail … Ect
It makes him feel better if he knows your still hanging on, & as long as you hang on, he can be out of the relationship because he knows he’s got ya.
I say ignore him, move on & refuse to allow him to toy with your heart, make a big statement … Have his # blocked, I know you love him, but you can’t allow him to keep you on this string, while he try’s to move on…
He knows you care, he knows you love him, you don’t need to respond to I miss u, that only lets him know, you will stay on that string as long as he wants you to. And he could potentially keep doing this till one of three things happens, 1, one of you finds someone else 2, you guys get back together , 3 till you say that’s enough!
The whole I need time… Time for what…?? To decide ? To go , to stay ? Sounds like an excuse to me, if he don’t know by now that he loves you & wants to be with you ??? You don’t want someone that is not sure… Your way to beautiful to let him keep hurting you.
Basically if he’s willing to risk loosing you… How good is he really for you ?
I just wouldn’t respond,
if he comes back with- in a reasonable amt of time , maybe you guys can work it… But I would refuse to allow him to toy with your heart…

Hugs & blessings
dee

As much as it hurts, I would keep your distance because if he keeps changing his mind, I would not try to let him in. I know from personal experience it hurts but it the end is better for you. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago and there are still times I miss him but I know that eventually all the heartbreak and emotional pain will go away. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, fibro related or not please feel free to message me.

Thanks!

Kaitlyn

Thank you Kaitlyn, I am definately going to keep my distance...I want to try again but right now I need time for myself too.Who knows, it may never even be an option. He is so confused about this....he doesnt want to but feels like he is doing the right thing...His facebook status still even says in a relationship. I just don't get it lol...anyways, on a positive note, i bought myself a tablet tonight, went to 16 different stores and now I am ready for bed! :) Thanks for your message and the same goes for you too, if you ever need to talk, i'll be here. :)

Ashlee

Dee, your response made me smile. I don't know you and yet I can picture you getting all hyped typing this :D. I know, I agree with you but there is that little part of me that wants it to still work out. If we ever did try again, things would definately be different in a lot of ways...I also decided I wasn't going to respond. If he misses me, thats his fault right? Hes used to me responding back...I can't play that game either. I guess I will wait it out and see what he does. Oh and thanks for the "your way too beautiful" comment, that was unexpected and needed. :D

Thank you! Hope all is well!

Ashlee

That’s what I like! When in doubt - go shopping! I agree with all of the smart advice given. You are the one in pain. He doesn’t need to add to it. You are the strong one here, as he can’t make up his mind. Love yourself first and if something better comes along, take a chance on it. If he decides he can’t live without you, then you make the decision if you want to take on his selfish behavior. You deserve so much more! :slight_smile: hugs~ Sandi