Today while sitting in the waiting room at the doctors office I realized something which was suddenly so clear that it was painful. I felt the tears coming as the nurse called me in to see the doc. Before I made it to the dreaded scale I had big crocodile tears rolling down my face that I could not hold back. I felt like I had been punched, stabbed, shot something, anything, everything.
All I knew is it was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life. I cried while the nurse took my blood pressure, I cried while waiting for the doctor to come in, I cried through the whole exam, I cried as I paid the receptionist. I cried when telling all of these people in the clinic especially the nurse and the doctor that I was fine.
I’m sure by now u r asking yourself what happened.
I realized I have FIBROMYALGIA, I have something chronic, I have a painful debilitating illness and my life will never be what it was ! Fibromyalgia became a part of me in that moment this afternoon. I have gone to this doctor every month for a year and always expected something. Maybe a pill, a shot, an exercise program, something, anything to cure me or fix me enough to become a wife, mom and nurse again. My AH HA moment was that he can’t cure me, he can’t fix me. THIS IS FOREVER.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a year ago although I have had it much much longer and just refused to believe it even when doctors mentioned it several times in the past.
I guess I have made it past the shock and denial, the anger, the bargaining, and all of the other stages to get to this accepting phase. I may go back and forth between some of these stages for a while but its the first time I have accepted it.
I HAVE FIBROMYALGIA !!! WOW ! I feel the tears welling up in my eyes again just thinking about it. No anger, no pain, no shock, no denial just acceptance. I didn’t just cry for myself, I cried for all of the other people with fibro. Those that have made it to this point and especially everyone that hasn’t made it here yet.
It’s a tough journey but I feel I have finally made it to the other side because acceptance is FREEDOM !
I finally feel free to let myself become a new me. I might be homebound, bedbound at times, but my life is not over. MY LIFE HAS JUST CHANGED. I will now have to learn to adapt to this change and build a new me in a new life.
LOOK OUT WORLD THE NEW DARLENE IS HERE ! ! ! !
sorry this post is so long, hope yall have a chance to read or glance over parts of it
$ $ & & @ @ just trying to get attention to the discussion part
My question is has anything like this ever happened to anybody else ? Not just with fibromyalgia but with anything in your life ? I think it is really what some people would call an " epiphany ". I have realized things clearly about a situation before but never in this quick, overwhelming type of way.
Anyway thanks for being here and allowing me to get this off my chest. I tried to tell my hubby but he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about and I know my kids won’t. They are too worried about about summer jobs, boyfriends and girlfriends. You know important stuff (LOL)
Soft Hugs … Darlene