I have been off the site for a while. I suppose that when you already feel kind of down, its hard to join with others that feel the same. I stopped coming here for that reason and because I needed to find hope and motivation from within to persevere. I love this group and the people I have met here. I am grateful for its support. At times though a person needs to look inside themself for strength.
I am back to work, although only doing part time hours. My job is 45 miles away, which is about 1.5 to 2 hours due to traffic in LA. I took the metro last week and although it is the same amount of time, I had less pain and stress from it. Sadly, it is 3x the amount of walking. I thought the exercise would be great, and it will be but I strained a calf muscle sometime during the walking or riding. It has been hurting for over a week now. I just have to bear it if I can. Tigerbalm has not helped much, but I will continue to try it and massage my leg. Its just so cold here now that I feel stiff from that too.
Otherwise, I feel I have been able to maintain the status quo. I was denied Social Security in August, which prompted me to resolve to return to work. At least part time. I look forward to getting a second part time job where I can work from home. That is my ultimate goal, but feel I need the training my current job can offer.
I have had a hard time sleeping lately. I usually take about 800mg magnesium, but it has stopped working. I think it is due to the pain, and sore back and shoulders. My pain doctor told me that is usually the case in the winter. Whether a person has arthrtis or not, pain gets worse in the colder months.
I recently bought a Quell, which is like a TENS unit but stronger, made for 24/7 wear if you want. I find it has helped with my pain. It can be a hassle to remember it and to keep it in the right placr on my leg but, in general I am happy with it. It takes my pain down a notch so I do not have to reply on pharmaceuticals as much, especially at work.
I feel like I miss someone or something. Like there is a hole inside of me that is sucking all my happiness away. And until I figure out what it is, it will keep on, perhaps it is the winter blues. Well, I miss you whatever you are. Random, I know.