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Just need to let it out


#1

I’m in a bad place right now. I began having fibro Pain in August ‘17 and although I hurt or am burning somewhere every day, I’ve never actually flared more than 2-3 days at a time. I’m on day 10 of the worst pain! I have what feels like muscle cramps all over, but especially bad in one arm and both legs, ankles, and the bottoms of my feet. I cannot take anti-imflammatories, because of another condition I have. I basically have been in bed about 90% of the time. I’m becoming depressed. I’m lonely and feel completely defeated. I’m usually a fighter, but I’m just kind of at my end and I don’t know when the end of this might come. A friend called to encourage me, but when she does she always compares me to a guy she knows with fibro and he can lift heavy boxes and walk up and down stairs all day and just pushes through the pain. I’ve run just a few errands a couple of times and I feel so much worse being up and around than if I just lie here in bed with my electric blanket on. I hate to think I’m a wimp, but I can’t even lift a box that’s more than 5 or 6 lbs! I hate being compared to someone else. It makes things feel that much more depressing!
I’m a seamstress and my hands are hurting so bad and I can’t grip things well, not to mention the weakness of trying to open a package. I couldn’t even pull a coupon off of an item at the store yesterday. It was embarrassing. I’m losing work, they are outsourcing what they usually have me do at the place that I do sewing work for. They say they won’t hire someone in my place unless I say so, but in the meantime my income that supplements my husband’s is a big fat ZERO.
Most of today, I’ve spent crying because I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.


#2

Please do not give up. I know what it’s like to have those flares that come out of nowhere and knock you down. I know what it’s like to have other people, who have no real concept of your pain, try to say the right thing, but end up making it worse. I tell people that if I don’t wake up at a 3 on the pain scale, it’s because I woke up at a 4.

You are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. You are fighting it in the only way you can right now and that is good enough. I definitely know the feeling of inadequacy, thinking that you should be able to be more, and do more. But fibromyalgia attacks on many fronts; physical and mental and emotional. All of the things you are feeling and going through are real and valid.

And you’re still here, still fighting. And I’m here. I will never compare your pain to anyone else’s, not even my own. Each of us, though united through this disease, has a different course. Just because “someone else” is in pain and pushes through this time, does not mean they will always be able to do so.

This flare will not last for ever, you can wait it out. It is a war of attrition sometimes, but in the end, YOU WILL WIN!


#3

You’ve probably heard this too many times to count…but I firmly believe reducing your stress will do wonders.

Your post is full of stress. You’re putting a ton of pressure on yourself to do things you simply are not capable of doing right now. And you know what? It’s okay that you can’t do those things.

Having a chronic condition, particularly one based in pain, changes your life, who you are, and what you can do. This change involves a grieving process for the loss of what/who you used to be – and that’s okay! You have to learn to be who you are now, not who you used to be, and certainly not as compared to others.

Take care of yourself. Reset reasonable goals. Do what you can do and leave the rest. Never be embarrassed by your limitations, it is what it is. Be yourself and be who you are NOW, not who you were.

azurelle


#4

I hope your flare has let up by now. I noticed in your background that you have another condition, so I’m sure you have to be careful of what you take. I don’t know if this belongs in the “alternative medicine” section, but it is common knowledge that FM sufferers frequently do not get enough magnesium and calcium. Also, vitamin D. Of course you need to take this up with your doctor. Ask for a blood test for these levels. It might help.


#5

Thank you, I needed the encouragement. The past couple of days have been better, I’m up moving around. :blush:


#6

Yes, I am feeling better. Thank you. I do take extra calcium, magnesium, and vitamin D. Because of my liver disease, the fat soluble vitamins don’t synthesize as well in my system, so it is something that I have my doctor check regularly. I appreciate your input and taking the time to respond. :blush:


#7

I’m so sorry you’re having a bad time! I can relate to what you’re saying. My experiences are similar. If you live in the usa you should try to get disability.
There is a great book called Disability Workbook by Douglas Smith that I followed to get disability.
Can you get some muscle relaxants or pain meds like tramadol. Tylenol helps too, I take it since I can’t take anti-inflammatories. You’re not a whimp. I don’t know what kind of work you could do from home. Anyway I hope you feel better and find your way through the fibro disaster.


#8

Thank you, Mardi. I have had a couple of good days, so I’m grateful for the relief. Unfortunately, I can’t take Tylenol either. I applied for disability the other day and am mailing off my records first of the week. I’m hoping that I can get it all into a flat rate envelope, because it’s a novel! Crossing my fingers that at least one of my chronics will stick and I’ll get approved, but I know the process and know I may have to appeal. Thank you for recommending the book. I’ll look into it in case I do have to appeal. :blush: