I'm Freaking Out, & Need Support

So I woke up this morning in a cold sweat, because I'm suppose to be starting school again (online) in September. I started freaking out because I now have not one but TWO incurable diseases. (Crohns and Fibro) and I started thinking about how much it was going to cost to get my Bachelors (Bachelor of Science in Human Services with a concentration in Family and Child Services degree...aka Social work specializing in adoption)

As well as what would happen if I got my dream job, and I couldn't do it because the pain was to bad, or the medication made me so foggy that I forgot a critical step and an adoption was screwed up because of it.

I'm just scared of so many things...I'm scared that my life is forever altered and I will no longer be ME but I will just be this disease. That I won't be able to do what I always dreamed of doing with my life. That my life.... my destiny.... are no longer in my hands. My path has been split and its another choice that will define me.

Wow, Ok reading this over I sound a tad dramatic but I am having one of those woe is me days....

We have all had days like these and I think it is normal to grieve for the loss you experience when you have a chronic illness, let alone two !. It takes time but just like any grieving process, time helps to heal you and you will start anew ! Try to focus on what you can do and what your strengths are. When I start thinking negative thoughts, I call it stinkin’’ thinkin’…hahaha. Coming from a place of fear won’t help. Try to replace those thoughts with something positive. I hope you find peace off mind soon ! I still have bad or trying moments but not nearly as often. Never give up !!!
Gentle Hugs,
Sheila

I got overwhelmed too when I was given my Fibro & CFS diagnoses about 6 months ago. I was worried that I would not be able to work at my full time job ever again. But as Sheila says, you are in a grieving stage when you are first told about your diagnoses. So let yourself realize that you will move past the grieving process in time. For me, it took the last 6 months to get there. During this time, I went to a counselor to talk out my feelings. During our sessions, she gave me some ideas to try that helped me. You need to start a notebook where each day, you must write at least one positive thing you did that day. Some days you don’t want to but make yourself do it. After a couple of weeks, read over the things you wrote. Let yourself really absorb that no matter how small, positive things can still happen to you. Focus on what you CAN do. Little by little, you will feel better and feel like you will have a good life. Not how you originally thought your life would be but that’s ok.

Good luck and come back to vent or report you are feeling better :slight_smile: that’s what the group is here for.

You're NOT being dramatic. That's the reality for many. However that is not the case for everyone. You're dealing with a terrible combination here...so no you're not being dramatic. This is not a pity party. You're seeing a reality - but it does not mean it's your destiny. <3

I'm so sorry you're dealing with those feelings, and I know that my words may just be words but I know how you are feeling. I am in school also, (on line as well) I am going into the end of my sophomore year, I am lucky because I am off work in the summer because I am a preschool teacher so I try to take my hardest classes through the summer, but work is starting up in about 5 weeks and I get those same feelings. I told my husband that even if I can not work I HAVE to finish this even if it's just to say I did it. Just take it day by day and get where you can get and be proud of what you do accomplish, we know that even the smallest accomplishments are exhausting for us. Try to keep your mind on the things that are at hand and don't over whelm yourself... sheesh I should listen to myself! : ) Good Luck!!

Thank you all for your kind words, please know that you all have helped me gain perspective and I am feeling much more optimistic about going back to school to finish my degree, and I will do all that I can and that will be my new normal.

Sheila- Thank you for this.

Coming from a place of fear won't help. Try to replace those thoughts with something positive.

Cathy- I will start doing this to remind myself to keep trying and realize my accomplishments no matter how small.

You need to start a notebook where each day, you must write at least one positive thing you did that day. Some days you don't want to but make yourself do it.

Tammy- I will have to start chanting this to myself every morning, because at times it feels like it does.

Fibro doesn't define you

Nina- Thanks for this. For not just saying it will all be all right. I choose my destiny, no matter how hard it will be

You're seeing a reality - but it does not mean it's your destiny

Traci- I'm OCD and always have anxiety but I will try ;)

Try to keep your mind on the things that are at hand and don't over whelm yourself

Hi HR. I'm sorry you were having a crummy day. They do haunt us. Remember anxiety and depression can be a part of fibromyalgia for many. Anxiety is a biggie for me.

We have a nurse on here who has shared a little bit about her experiences with the medication (low dose naltrexone) LDN. She spurred me to do some in depth research. It seems that this drug is an older drug, but new uses have been found for it. Especially for treatment of autoimmune diseases. I have read nothing but good things about it. I saw one website that showed a colon before and after treatment with LDN. The change was remarkable. It is also suppose to help a great deal with Fibro. All with little or no side effects.

I am not a person who likes to take a lot of drugs. I have been tapering off of 3 of mine and adding supplements for a couple of months now. Having said that, I am excited to see my new doctor in August as I have read that she supports use of LDN. I want to give it a try.

My message to you is to keep on with your studies. Have hope that a cure or a very good treatment for both of your ailments is on the horizon. Keep your chin up sweetie and keep up the good work.

Hugs.

LKitty

Hey HR,

I know exactly how you are feeling, I have a dream of getting my Masters and PhD in experimental psychology but now I don’t know if that’ll happen, and if it does happen it’ll likely take longer which means it’ll be more expensive but Im just speculating. I started getting really really sick right at the beginning of my 1st year as a Masters student and I had to take a medical withdrawal. I was only diagnosed a couple of weeks ago so fibro is new to me and I don’t know what to expect from it in the future but I am glad to know what it is now so that medications and therapies can be changed to better suit fibro but I will definitely be taking off at least this upcoming semester to give the new therapies to work. Which us frustrating because I should be 1 year off from getting my Masters but I’m at least 2 years off which makes me sad.

But enough about me, I am so happy for you working towards your bachelors degree!! Getting my bachelors was such a confidence boost (but that was before I got really sick) and I hope it will do the same for you. Your career goals sound amazing and I think you’ll make a huge difference in people’s lives. Try not to worry about messing up details of an adoption, I think you’ll do well and if you’re feeling foggy one day, maybe ask a coworker to double check your paperwork or something, I think you will be able to persevere but I can empathize with your fear for the future!!