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Living With Fibromyalgia - Online Support Group

I’m not lazy!


#1

Has anyone experienced being called lazy because you have Fibromyalgia? Since I had to retire early due to my illness members of my family have been very discouraging to me. Recently during a horrific flare my mother in law (who has always been very close to me and dear to my heart) said, ‘What are you going to do, just give into it and let it happen!’ I can’t tell you how much that hurt me :pensive:
I know a lot of people don’t understand and the stigma of Fibro in the past is that ‘It’s all in your head.’ Believe me, I HATE being like this!!!
I am really struggling right now!

Jen


#2

I am sorry that this has happened to you. One time my son wrenched his back & he kept asking me “How in the H*** do you handle the Pain”? He couldn’t put his pants on, he couldn’t put his socks & shoes on… it was an eye opener for him. So when I encounter someone who doesn’t “get it” I ask if they have sprained a body part before & try to explain Fibro to that sprain.
Peace, Light & Love.


#3

I’m sorry to say but your experience is not unusual. For many of us with invisible conditions the judgement of others can be horrendous. It is only others who have been there who can have any true empathy. I’m often saying “…so you think this is by choice? Who the hell would choose this???..… ….not I, that’s for damn sure!!!”
My condition is not fibro related, but more a neuro condition for which I have had a number of surgeries for. The reactions I would get from people when they could see the surgical scarring etc was often a sympathy thing ie “Ohh you poor thing…” and it got real old real quick. I know it looks awful, I don’t need to be told. I now wear a hat to cover all the holes and scars. But the judgements continue. I have learnt to switch off to it all. In my view, judge if you wish, but here you have this for a day… …now judge. If others had any idea of the real struggles we face they would be 2nd guessing that judgement. As they say “Ignorance is bliss” when people are ignorant to the struggles, then judgement is simple. But we are stronger because we fight our conditions and their ignorance each and every day.

Merl from the Moderator Support Team


#4

Awhile back, my husband pretty much told me that he is tired of doing everything. What I heard was that I’m lazy. It hurt me deeply, because he is the one person I need to be on my side. All my kids get it, but I need him to be merciful and comforting. At the time that he said that, I was preparing to do my homework, but got sidetracked and was listening to a few things on YouTube. Geesh, I’m not lazy. I had worked at my job all day. But went right to my computer to do homework. I guess I thought I deserved a little downtime. As it turned out, I realized he was upset about the dishes. Now, I come home and do any dishes in the sink right away. Something that simple seems to help. One thing to mention though is that if he has had a few beers he is very forthright about what he is thinking or feeling. He doesn’t think first about what he says and whether it will hurt me. Sometimes, I feel like I am walking on egg shells to try to please him. It stresses me out and that doesn’t help my pain. Anyways, I feel for you. People can be cruel and unthoughtful. When my husband is rude or hurtful, I remind him that I would never say such things to him or anyone else. Kindness goes a long way. But I do tire of trying to be kind when people are so cruel.


#5

I almost thought i typed this! I can definitely relate.


#6

Thank you all for your replies. I can’t tell you how much it helped me to realize I’m not alone. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure the criticism and judgement as well. It really sucks, especially when it comes from people you love.
Jen


#7

Hi I just had to comment on this my husband supports but he is always saying to me don’t let it get me beat it I’ve had this horrible horrible disease for 25 yrs+ and it’s only getting worse how the H… do you beat something that is constantly there and he says to except the disease, understand it and then I will be able to get better I’ve tried so many things to help me with the pain some helped me but soon stop working I don’t understand that but my husband says I don’t give it long enough to work but I know what is working and what stops I want this horrible disease to go away if I had cancer they would either cure it or I would die this isn’t something that I can beat or except or understand y me but don’t call me lazy cuz anyone in my life right now couldn’t handle this crap I have


#8

I agree Kittyboo…because anyone who is living with Fibro is far from being lazy!..We’re stronger than anyone knows!!!

Jen


#9

I think it is amazing that you are studying and working! :blush:


#10

Hey Jen I am think it’s amazing also that you are studying also my concentration is terrible I try so hard to get into a good book but forget everything I read so I read read it over and over again so pat urself on the back great job!!!


#11

Yes! I’ve experienced the same thing! Very frustrating and disappointing. I have spent a lot of years not really taking this seriously, just feeling like I’m lazy and it’s “in my head”, and not a real illness.


#12

Not those direct words, but was asked twice yesterday as to what do I do all day. That hurt a lot, cause I thought my family knew the pain I am in and I’m on disability for the pain. I angrily replied I piddle! I piddle at little things everyday to just try and keep my house clean so that it’s not a mess. I’m a little OCD but I’ve learned I can’t have everything put in order in one day. It hurts like heck if I overdo anything and I’ve had plantars fasciitis since October and that’s made my life a living nightmare. I can’t get up and move like I did to help with the Fibro without it feeling like a nail being driven into my heels. I’ve had shots directly into my heels and no help. So back to the main issue, I understand you when you say your not lazy. They just don’t understand even if they say they do. Just worry about yourself and take care of you. Give them pamphlets to read and see if that helps. I’m glad I am not the only one who thinks others think your lazy.
Tami1


#13

Please don’t walk on egg shells because of him. Get every article you can and have him read it and to take him to your dr visits and let the dr give him an insight as to the pain you feel every second of the day. Tell him to buy a dishwasher or hire someone to come in and clean that you are that serious. Men think they are dying if they have a cold but let a woman be in pain and we are to deal with it and move on. :slightly_smiling_face: Tami1


#14

I’m so sorry you’ve been made to feel this way! It’s so unfair, isn’t it? I can’t say I’ve been called lazy to my face, but worry that people MIGHT think that; and overcompensate ALL the time. To my own detriment, of course.
Yesterday I thought I might fall asleep behind the wheel. The fibromyalgia fog settled over me that heavily. You’d think being that tired the pain would get tired too… noooo. Right there to torture you into staying awake.
As soon as I could I had to get home, get a hot pack on my neck/shoulder/arm, and lay down for a bit. I did so before anyone else got home. Just so I wouldn’t seem LAZY.:roll_eyes:
YOU ARE NOT LAZY. You have a health condition that can knock you right out of the game, whenever, wherever, and for however long it likes. If you had cancer, and needed to lie down , would anyone call you lazy? No. They’d say your a fighter , a survivor.
But with fibro, people can’t “see” your symptoms. It’s unfortunate; it makes me want to scream. I feel often that I’m 3 seconds away from breaking down into sobbing.
You know what the upside is to THAT MUCH frustration? I put up with ZERO b.s. None. I allow no one to push me past my tolerance level anymore. I don’t roll over while someone attempts to violate my boundaries. And there’s a strength in that… an ironic strength; that is almost as powerful as my continued physical weakness.
Ha! So… no one calls me lazy(outright) but they MAY call me another not-so-nice word that starts with ‘B’:joy:
That’s ok. If they don’t like it I invite them to walk a while in my shoes.
Well… idk if I’ve helped you to feel a little better today, but please, at the very least, Jen, know your not alone and I’m praying for you today.


#15

Thank you N8! Your words have been so encouraging…Infact everyone who responded to my post have helped me feel better about myself and my desease. You guys rock!! :kissing_smiling_eyes:


#16

I’m so glad Jenjstc… it is good to have this safe space to share our feelings in.
I’m glad you’re here.:slightly_smiling_face:
Aaaahhh, Monday. A new day, a new week; a clean slate. I’m not feeling half bad so far. That’s a good start. May we all go forth today with a serene mind, an open heart and an attitude of gratitude. :pray:t2:


#17

I have experienced this a lot unfortunately. When I was finally officially diagnosed with severe fibrmyalgia at 18, my family was really supportive at first and didn’t even want me to help carry groceries. They still try to help sometimes but I feel like a burden to them and sometimes I feel that they’re patience runs thin. I do the best that I can every day, but I still get questioned or hurtful words are said at times when I can’t even get out of bed on my worst pain days. Living with fibromyalgia is so debilitating, but because it doesn’t manifest itself in ways that people can usually see, sometimes I feel like they think I am hamming it up when that is really the furthest thing from the truth.
Is it possible to have a sit down talk and discuss what you are feeling? I hope that maybe if everyone can hear you out that maybe they will gain a new perspective and be a little more sensitive to what you are going through.
Wishing you all the best!


#18

My mother in law, meaning well, cause she was lovely, that i should take long walks each day…because for a normal person that would be good…

I actually had an ankle injury that made that uncomfortable…it took a long time for the cause of that injury to be found…

About the heel pain one of you mentioned , a shoe insert can help with that…like spenco from amazon even…get the firm one for in a sneaker…topical pain relievers can help that also and put a scrunched towel on the floor and walk on it… i forget why that helps but it does…

Hubbies are not as sensitive as women thats for sure, mine tries to understand , but unless you have been there…its hard! :blush:


#19

@N8trluvr I could really relate to this post. No one seems to truly understand what it is like to have the “gas” taken from you. I have been saying all along that no one understands what I am going through because it is invisible to them. My doctor thinks I am depressed and wants to treat that alone. I keep telling her I am depressed because I am exhausted. I work two jobs, and I have a two year old, and so there is never any down time for me. She still doesn’t sleep through the night, and so I am awoken at least twice in the night which exasperates my pain and fatigue. Most days I contemplate a world without me because I don’t want to live with this struggle any further. I tell my family that I wish I could open up my body like a coat and show them the debilitating pain and fatigue I feel so they would lay off. They all know I have never been lazy, but I feel that they think I use fibro as an excuse. I have always been a “go getter” and to have that part of my personality taken from is such a struggle. God is the only reprieve in my life. My older daughter (20) tries to help, but I can see in her face and eyes that she resents having to help with the baby. My husband thinks I am just a moody B! I feel more lost in my 40’s than I have my entire life. At least I now have a group of people who can relate and that I can relate to. It helps to know that I am not alone.


#20

I can relate to that feeling of having the gas taken from you and being so exhausted and in pain that you feel you have nothing left. I can’t believe you have two jobs and a two year old. Even without fibromyalgia that is a big struggle, but to be doing it with this condition, you must be incredibly strong.

It sucks when people don’t understand. It hurts when people make insensitive comments, especially when you are at your wits end and are at a time when you need emotional support the most. But I try to make sure that I am kind to myself and take care of myself well, because I know that noone else can do that for me. And I rely on my faith a lot to get me through. Only myself and God really know about the everyday struggles I go through on the inside, and I think that is enough.