Hello everyone! Nice to meet you all eventually I hope I have a question …I have had fibro (diagnosed) for 23 years and I’m just now noticing that it gets much worse after my husband and I argue. He has borderline personality disorder and tends to come off as abusive when in all actuality his scared little boy within is controlling him. Anywho…was wondering how y’all handle this if you’re in a similar situation or have been in the past. Telling him that it affects me for days/ weeks afterwards does no good. I meditate and do yoga when I can it seems to help to combat the after affects some…
Is he going to a certified MPD counselor? Can you go to the counselor for understanding & helping you to deal with the little boy? Is there a safe “word” or a safe place to go to (for the boy)? Some don’t want to integrate, you might Need to find a (not a real) job for the boy to do to feel safe. Yes, I do have experience in that field. No I am Not a counselor. Or you might have to come up with a safe “word” for yourself or a safe place to go. Love, Light & Peace Maggi
I also wonder if he’s seeing someone or maybe y’all could try couples counseling. It’s the stress on your emotional system that’s causing the flares for you. My husband is a counselor & we’ve been through issues in our marriage but communication is the key. Your husband is very important but your health is more important. Prayers to you both
I am not a therapist but is there a way that you can walk away from the situation? It doesn’t sound like your husband is quite able to deal with what’s happening to him (can you meet with his therapist if he has one, ask what he’s suppose to be doing to address this when it happens). Are you able to tell him “I can’t continue this conversation right now. We can finish it later when we are both in a better place.”. If it’s something big that can’t wait maybe have someone else present?
Any stress is really hard on us… even without additionall issues… we just do not communicate the same…
And our devices make people communicate even less well.
Life is never gonna be without stresses , but with fibro its so tough because we feel it emotionally and physically🙄
I am cured of BPD so I understand how challenging it is having lived with it for 40 years. I took an online program with Debbie Corso (now DeMarco Bennett) that was really helpful and I started meditating as well. https://emotionallysensitive.com. One of the best things I learned in the course was the Seaweed method of communication for expressing yourself.
- Situation - When I am yelled at or hear raised voices it makes my fibro symptoms flare.
- Emotion - This is upsetting as being in pain and wiped out for days is no fun.
- Ask - When you get worked up, I would like you to leave the room as soon as you realize you are agitated. If you are unable to leave the room, I may need to leave the room, but know that this doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It is because I need to protect my health.
- Win - I think that you will find if we do this it will benefit you too because I won’t be sick and then I can give you more attention/energy.
I don’t know what the eed in Seaweed are for because this works well for me. As a person with mild BPD being able to express myself this way gave me a place to go. I strongly recommend the program and it is quite affordable as well as being convenient and private as it is online. Much less complex than a full blown program.
That said, I do want to share that many mental health issues are dietary or are made worse by diet. I recently started a carnivore diet because of my fibro and RA. While my symptoms still flare, my mental state is better and there is a lot of info about this if you Google Georgia Ede. Apparently plants have substances that can be problematic.
Anyhow, I hope this long post has been helpful and feel free to accept or reject any of the information.
I know all about living with a little boy! I was married to an alcoholic for 28 years—he died of it a little over a year ago. Being constantly on edge and never being able to fully relax is one of the reasons my fibro got so much worse over the years. He at least was able to see that and in the last few years he tried desperately hard to change—and did so, but was never able to totally quite drinking. Any kind of stress will make us worse. I concentrated on prayer and being happy and just living life as best I could and it eased up. I ended up with cancer over 2 years ago and had colon cancer surgery—promptly went into a 2 month coma and on a respirator. Then 1 month in rehab trying to learn how to do everything again–just learning to sit up was hard! He thought I was going to die and went into a deep depression and went back to being completely drunk for those 3 mths. By the time he knew I was coming home, it was too late–the damage had been done. He tried to quite again, but it was too late. I came home to severe stress. He was hospitalized for 2 months and came home under hospice for 2 days and died in my arms. I nearly lost my home for I lost his S.S. I have managed to keep my home through nothing short of a miracle and had to try to get my life back together and handle the stress. I had to give up my beloved dog a few months ago–I’m in a wheelchair and could not give him the care he really needed. He is a beautiful Siberian husky and I cried and prayed for a good home for 8 miserable days—he got a fantastic home and the stress and heartache has lifted. I now have to face the fact that the medication that has helped me with my pain for over 20 years (Tramadol) will not be renewed anymore. All those opioid abuse cases has made people like me, who never abused, suffer. Doctors are afraid to loose their licenses and will no longer prescribe it. I have weaned down to 1-2 a day and am miserable. I spend more and more time on the computer to get my mind off the pain–it’s hard. I try not to think of how I will feel without any–I just have a couple weeks worth left. I just have to leave it to God and try to not worry.
You have a few choices—stay and learn to try to control the stress levels as best you can–try to get him some counseling (anger management X 3 did the trick with mine) or leave. I am glad I stayed as before he died he did give his heart to the Lord and that eased so much of the past pain. I’ve learned to leave things to God and just do the best I can and try to enjoy the life I have.