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Living With Fibromyalgia - Online Support Group

Heavy Heart

#1

I was sitting to the right of Dad holding his right hand, & eldest Sis to the left. He started moving his arms around as if he were fighting someone, & I said “It is just a dream, it is just a dream. You are safe we have you. Mom is on the other side waiting for you. You can go, I’ll be okay, we will be okay. Go if you want to, it is okay to go.” & I believed that with Every Fiber of my Being. Every hour I had to walk around, because I cannot sit longer than that so I would walk to the outside bench & have a cig, do some stretching, then go back in. I fell asleep around 4A, woke up when Sis & Niece came to relieve us. I stayed until Noon or maybe 1 & I had this odd urge to buy roasted beast & swiss cheese. I was hurting & I had to rest so I kissed Dad on his forehead & left to buy sliced roast beast & sliced swiss cheese & horseradish. & went to Sis’s to check on the critters & try to unwind so that I could take a nap. My son was on his way down & I’m not certain of the time but Sis called & said “He is gone”. Eldest Sis & I took our own vehicles & drove down to the hospital, I entered his room I sat on his right & held his hand & tried to pray but couldn’t. My son came in & the nurses said we could take our time & Sises & Niece were talking about all of the things that needed to be done & I held his hand. Eldest Sis left & I held his hand, the hand was getting cold & I hadn’t realized that his ear was So Big. & his nails were ridged & squared & needed trimming. Son offered to stay until the funeral people came so that he wouldn’t be alone. & Sis said she wasn’t leaving until I was ready to go. & I told myself it was time to go. & I held his hand. I couldn’t let go. & I looked at his face hard to remember every detail. & I held his hand & It was cooling, colder than My hand & I had to go. I kissed his hand, I kissed his forehead I walked around the bed & I had to stop at the door, the room started spinning so I grabbed the door jamb & waited for the spinning to stop. & Son came over to me & gently took my right shoulder & pivoted me into his arms & I bawled I hung on him & bawled. Did you know that windshield wipers don’t work well to wipe off tears so you can see to drive??? He was cremated & we put him in an Ammo box a fitting tribute to the Man I knew as Dad. Nothing was spared, Flag Folding & 21 gun Salute & each Grandchild received a blank. It is $100 extra to have the burial on a weekend day before Noon & $150 to bury after Noon. & there I stood touching his Ammo box & thinking it is almost Noon I gotta leave or it will be an extra $50. & I stood there touching his Ammo box & once again I couldn’t leave him. My Son & Dau were hovering around me, ready to catch me when I went down. I mentally kissed his forehead & I somehow left him in the cemetery.

#2

Hi Luna,

I’m so very sorry you went through this experience. When did this happen if you don’t mind me asking? I lost my dad almost 3 years ago and he was 59. It’s not easy loosing someone you love. It’s so difficult to really say your goodbyes when you have money and time constraints. What an awful experience that must have been. I don’t think you left him and he didn’t leave you just left his body. You’re not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. What type of service was he in?

David

#3

Dad became an Angel on Oct 6th.
He was 99. He was a member of the 7th Infantry & 17th Infantry Regiment. He landed on Attu, he fought in the South Pacific & served as a paper pusher & official photographer for the 4077th in Korea.
I have been a blubbering boob for 6 days & I had to get it out. Thank You for listening. Maggi

#4

Maggie … hugs for you. This is a good place to get it out, many of us can relate to those feelings. Reading your account brought back memories of my mother’s death, but I’m no longer a blubbering boob, and although the feelings have diminished in intensity, they’re still there. I think they always will be. And that’s OK: little by little, the happy memories are coming back.

Your dad lived to ninety-nine. Wow, what a life he had, and I’ll bet he had so many stories to tell. Best wishes for comfort and happy memories in the New Year.

Seenie from Moderator Support

#5

It will take some time and I myself feel a lot better than I did. Time heals. 99 is a blessing because you had him around more than what most people get. He must have been an amazingly proud, strong person. We are always here to listen. Hugs

David

#6

Hi,
Thank you for your post. I’m so sorry you are going through this loss. I will be going through it soon too, as my father is extremely ill. I’m sending good thoughts your way. Grieving the loss of a parent is profoundly painful, but it does get better with time. I lost my mom a while ago. The first year was really hard and then it started to get a lot better.

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