I have been having daily flares, sometimes pain, sometimes fatigue, sometimes both. This morning we had extremely heavy fog - you knew the neighbors house was next door, but you couldn’t see it fog - and one of my first thoughts when I saw it was that it matched the brain fog I have been having all week. Mentally and emotionally I am a wreck, which is just making everything else that much worse.
The 28th marked 2 years since my grandpa passed. He died 1 week to the day before my grandma’s birthday (she will be 90 Thursday!) and 2 1/2 weeks before his 94th birthday (the 15th). He was a cool grandpa. He had had his first major heart attack nearly 19 years to the day and we were blessed to have had those last 19 years. He got to see his great grandchildren (his great grandson wouldn’t be born till nearly 2 years after that first heart attack) grow up and got to see his first (so far!) great-great grandson and got to dote on him for almost 2 years. We were finally able to get those 5-generation pictures just one week before he died - so, so precious.
And things between mom and I are not going the best - nothing new, but it still hurts. I texted her about what she found out today and I was reminded that I have no part in anything with her. There is no “we will get through this” only “I will” - a reminder that I blew that chance when she first told me she had cancer. I guess she has a slue of appointments over the next couple of weeks, getting ready to start chemo. Right now she is stage 2b - not the worst case, but not the best. She will have chemo every 3 weeks, then surgery after the 6th treatment - that is the plan at this point anyway, I guess. She did say they are doing a PET scan within the next couple of weeks - if that highlights any other cancer then that will change a lot of things.
Ok, Miss Kori says enough “sad” time - she is being Miss Goofy and doing her best to make mama laugh. She just brought me her favorite toy so I can play with it.