Grandsons...Good News and Bad

I am so excited. We get to have our 4 grandsons for a few days this week. They are in need of stability and my husband and I will try and be that for them as long as we can! So YAY! I am driving to pick them up and taking my dear friend. It's a long drive, will take all day. That's ok. I'll get through it.

Now, my biggest concern. When I am startled or when I see a something like action, that makes me uncomfortable (like a violent movie or show on tv or someone or animal being hurt, OR 4 boys in a pile on the floor wrestling) I have a terrible pain response. This also happens with noise. Can anyone tell me what this pain is caused from? I've heard its a stress response? I really don't know, but it hurts like crazy.

I'm feeling like I'm doomed before I even start. I know that this will be my grand boys, who are usually left to fend for themselves at home. They are full of action. Most of the time they will be outside playing in the woods, climbing trees and being boys. They are 6, 7, 9 and 12. The oldest two will probably go hang out at the school (very close to our house) to see his friends or visit friends from school or church.

We love them so much and have always been there for them. Their live has been very inconsistent and unsettled. We are happy to have them. They have lived with us several times in their short lives. If I were well I would fight for custody of them. I have come to terms with mine and my husbands limitations. We know keeping them is not possible, but having them in our lives is.

Grandmas and friends, do you have any word of wisdom for me here? Any ideas about this pain that comes with noise and commotion?

Love and Hugs,


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I have also been experiencing that weird symptom usually caused by panic or stress. Only action and fighting gore and medical shows don’t have any effect on me. Which I blame on predisposition to violence in my younger years. Yesterday my grandparents and I as well as my two young cousins went to a restaurant, to be specific, the golden corral. I had a panic attack in the place and immediately had to run out of the place. After I calmed down some I started hurting. Everywhere. I am searching for answers as well. I feel your pain L-kitty.

L-Kitty, I also wonder if it could be trauma based. I don't get pain but I freak out when I watch something gory or traumatic. Can't deal with it AT ALL. I know this isn't really the same thing but in a way, maybe it is. Just a thought.

L-kitty - I experience reactions to too much noise all at once, like being in a bar with music blasting and 20 people carrying on conversations. The other day we had a fire drill at work and I have to stay in for another a minute and a half directing kids out and the noise and the strobe lights set me off. I get such an overwhelming feeling and within minutes a migraine comes and the next day my pain was terrible. Can’t go to a high school basketball game with all the cheering and clapping - it’s crazy! Having an MRI on Wednesday and I know the fibrofog will be awful afterwards. It’s like my brain is trying to shut off and then parts of it does. Don’t know how to avoid it.

I’m sure having your grandsons with you and getting some g-ma loving will help. Just make sure you can rest when they are there. Just sit and enjoy them! You are so blessed <3. hugs~ Sandi

Thank you avenk. I admire you! We had our 4 grandsons and their parents living with us more than once. It got to be too much for my husband and I. I always admire grandparents who can do this. Especially with several children. Don't get me wrong, I love them all, it was lack of support from the parents that made it too difficult. And we love the parents too. Kudos to you. The grandkids need you and learn from you.

Thank you for your prayers. I feel covered all over. I shopped yesterday and stocked up on gatorade, string cheese, cereal and things the boys like. That way I won't have to stop and fix something throughout the visit.

I'm not going to hesitate to use my clonazepam either. If I need it, I will use it!



Have you heard of empath? An overly sensative person?

Have you heard of "hyperekplexia"? Seems to be overactive startle response. This one is caused by PTSD, which I have been diagnosed with...and I don't know why. Probably because I'm an over sensative person.

I'm not a doctor so I won't try to self diagnose, but I can google and these are the two things I came up with. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to be ok. Rheumy gets to hear about it next month.

It's just my grand boys. I'm glad I get to love on them for a few days.

Thanks Petunia,


Hi Sandi.

My dentist office plays the music too loud. Now I do sound like an old lady. I have to ask them to turn it down every time I go there.

Use earplugs or music in the mri. It helps a little.

Thanks. I will enjoy having those little guys for a while. My husband will too.

Have a good week. Hugs.


Lissy, have you talked to your doctor about your panic attacks. That's where I would start. I don't know what I would do without my meds. Especially this week. I know there are natural remedies that help with panic attacks too - meditation, music, essential oils and herbs.

Lots of things to look into. Thanks you've helped me come up with some potential ideas to help this week. I hope you find some answers for you.



Dear LK,

I am glad to hear that you will be having the grandsons. I know how much you love your grandkids, and I know very well what their noise levels can do to us. Especially if they are used to having games and TV loud. If you are tech savy, you may be able to program your TV so that it only goes so loud, as for the rest, a constant reminder that loud noise makes Gram hurt, freaks her out, may be the best way!

My worst freak out is if someone gets too close to me in a car, or I hear screeching tires, after being rear ended 3 times, the last one, I could never get over, and was finally diagnosed with autoimmune. So this freak out is very real, though it is not as bad as it had been, I think it will always be there to some degree. A psychologist worked with me a couple of years on this, she got me back behind the wheel. She did me a lot of good in many areas, as my life totally changed.

Have fun with the kids! Being together will be good for all of you!

As everyone probably knows, I love to have my grand kids, they keep me going, but I usually crash and burn after a couple of days! Hopefully your hubby can take them to McDonalds or Chuck E Cheese to allow you some respite from time to time!

Love and hugs,


I have been doing some reading about people who are 'empaths'. Highly or over sensitive individuals. Many experience the type of pain I described. I am in shock. There is something relieving to know there are others with your weirdness. I just ordered 3 books from Amazon. "The Sensitive Persons Survival Guide", "The Highly Sensitive Person" and the workbook that goes with it. I want to educate myself on this. Knowledge is power. I may seek some counseling in this area too. Wow, I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted. Maybe now when I get the pain knowing that it comes just from being over sensitive will help. I've also discovered that some can be considered "knowers" as well. Which, I have also had experience with. I don't want to sound weird and scare people away from me. But, there can be an intuitiveness that comes with sensitivity. It's something I don't like, don't want to be responsible for, but came to believe it several years ago.

I can't wait to get the books.

I just spilled my guts. I kind of want to go back and delete, but I'm going to face it head on with my fibro friends.

I hope this comes of some help to others as well.

I think it is very interesting, not weird at all. I think most people have it to some degree, but push it aside, but agree that some are just more sensitive, and it can be from a trauma, illness, or it can just be your nature.

You bet knowledge is power! Listen to your body and get busy on google, we have the greatest reference device of all time! We need to use it to our advantage!

Hi L-Kitty, I don’t think it’s weird either. The situations you describe don’t cause me pain but make me very uncomfortable (almost nauseous) or I over react (anger or tears).The situations you describe and scenes on TV, in books, in newspapers where people are disrespected, threatened, intimidated, put in awkward situations, or they show or talk about abused children, woman or animals are difficult to take. My husband who has the remote is really quick to change the channel. Strange for a person who has read (not gory ones) murder mysteries all their life.

I think there are people who have evolved talents such as ESP, and a few others I’d not put in writing. I really hope you find some answers to help you react without pain to these situations since there seems to be too many of them in our world.

Ditto 100% on this posting. I agree that maybe you have an extra sensory response to others' pain or distress or noisy energy. Could it be a migraine? They're very common with fibro, and, in fact, you can even have a stomach migraine without the head pain.

I would think that going for an immediate solution might be helpful. Hot chocolate or hot tea, as the steam is very soothing? Some soft music and aroma therapy from candles? A nice bath with candle light? Just a few ideas to throw out there for lessening your distress, you poor gal you.

LOL! B2chi, my husband does the same thing with the channels. They don't want us going into a whirl!

I've been talking to my counselor and pastor about this "knowing" thing for awhile. I put it all aside when our little family of six moved back in with us about 2 years ago. Then they moved out, under direst. Very hard, very very sad when they left. I've been recovering since last May. Now, I am getting better - in my head at least - and can pick up where I left off.

Google "empath". It really makes me wonder. talks about panic attacks when you walk into a public place. One author suggest that the empath feels, panic because they take on the world they are in. If it's walmart, the people you see - you know their lifes, their pain, etc, just by seeing them. It overwhelms the empath and can causes panic. It's very interesting. This is the holistic view. Oh, I am so happy to hear this is not just me. Over sensitivity. Hyper sensitivity. Very interesting to read about.

Thanks avenk for encouraging me not to delete. We need to accept who we are and embrace that, right? Even if it sounds a little different. Right? I would like to know where the pain comes in though.

Hi L-Kitty,

Well maybe you've just found your solution, especially if others experience it too. I know there was an experiment that showed that skin can hear, so I don't find it odd that you experience pain from sound. There's also some write ups about people who get a donated organ and start craving things that they never liked but the deceased did. Apparently the organs "remembered" the particular likes. I think our bodies have a lot more built into them than we realize. And i do believe in the intuitiveness, btw, so you're not alone in your belief on that either.

I hope you can find some way to lower the "volume" of your pain response. Maybe somewhere in those books you can find out a solution. Or else you could always try googling for an answer. Something like "how to reduce pain experienced from being startled." Hmmmmm, maybe I'll go and look for you.

Hello my Dear friend yes I get the same thing .I’am raising my stepdaughters two kids who are both special needs the older one has a lot more issues an when he screams boy oh boy I get this pain that goes right through me if you have to excuse yourself from what ever it is that is causing the pain. I know how hard it is to have to make that decision not to be able to take custody of your grandsons but your doing the right thing putting your self an your health first when I got full custody of the two grand baby’s I have I was a lot healthier it’s very hard now an challenging but I wouldn’t change it for nothing have them way to long but you are still being a very big part in your grandsons life’s by taking them as much as you can an four of them Godbless you an have the most amazing time because grandchildren are a blessing an I thank God for mine .because we did just lost our granddaughter Abigail at birth Jan 22 due to doc mistake she was perfectly healthy but I do know she is watching over all of us an her cousins. So remember if you need a time out for your self while you have the boys don’t forget to take it because if you don’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of no one else an your number one sending BIG soft hugs to you an the boys an family and I will pray God gives you all the strength you will need while they are with you so you can enjoy your time to the fullest meliss

Here's an article tying it to fibro:

Weird Things That Cause Fibromyalgia Pain

By Adrienne Dellwo, GuideJuly 20, 2009

People without fibromyalgia just don't get it -- and really, how could they? A lot of things about it just make no sense.

Among the bizarre, confusing aspects of this condition is the things that cause pain. People around me can understand that I wake up with stiff muscles; that even gentle pressure can cause pain in some place; and that my pain is artificially heightened by my brain. What they can't understand is the truly weird things that cause pain. Here's a list of some of my more unusual fibromyalgia-pain triggers:

  • The car turning a corner too fast
  • Vibrations
  • Loud or repetitive noises, especially high pitched ones
  • Bright or flashing lights
  • Busy patterns
  • Being startled
  • Anxiety

Those are things that shouldn't cause pain but do. It would be reasonable, for instance, if the noises or lights caused a headache. They don't -- they give me abdominal pain. We've had to make some rules at my house: noisy toys have time limits, no one is to jump out and scare me, and (most recently) my husband needs to take corners a little more slowly.

Do any of these pain triggers sound familiar? What other odd things cause you pain? Share your experience by leaving a comment below!

Here's the webpage, which also includes responses to the topic:

It sounds like the author of this piece may indeed be suffering from stomach migraines.

Very good research Petunia. And fits to a T. I think it's going to take me some time to digest everything I've read the last couple of days. I won't have time to digest anything, except an occassional meal, for the next few days. The road trip starts in one hour.

Thank you for your information.


We God bless you, Mel. What a wonderful task you have taken on. I admire you greatly. I understand what you're saying. We may have taken on the first two of these boys back when the second was new. My health and the natural aging process for my husband have caused us to understand that if we did it now, we may push ourselves over the edge. Thankfully you have 2 and not 4. Not to diminish that at all. Its' a huge job you are doing and you deserve a metal of honor.

I'm so sorry about Abigail. What a horrendous tragedy. Oh, that will take a lot of time to heal from and then, complete healing is almost impossible. There will always be grief for yourself and your Abigails parents. Hold onto hope, somehow.

Nice to meet you Mel.

Ok, I'm off to get those boys.

I had to share this photo of the boys, our daughter and I. We are safe and home and I feel nothing but joy right now. Thank you everyone.