I am having a bit of a rough day and really feeling like such a bad friend. It is my birthday this weekend and I made plans to go out with my best friend. She bought tickets to a show and I was excited all week to go. I caught a cold earlier this week but I was starting to feel better. Suddenly this morning, flare city. I am just aching all over and passed out several times. I barely can move most of my body and am so tired. There is no way I could drive or go out even though I want to so badly. I am feeling so guilty for bailing and I am fairly certain she is angry with me. My boyfriend tells me I am being silly but I really am overwhelmingly upset. I feel like I am constantly bailing on friends and maintaining friendships has become such a difficult task. I know in my head it is not my fault and that I have a chronic condition. However the guilt remains. I am only 25 and I don’t think most people my age really can begin to understand I am trying my best. I wish they could understand that I am more than frustrated with my body and would kill to be a normal 25 yr old. There are days that I push it further than I probably should in order to avoid the guilt. Do you guys ever feel this sense of guilt in your friendships?
Clenway, I have had Fibro since my twenties. Your post has really touched my heart. I am reminded of my own struggles with these feelings and hear the weight of your burden. Please know you are not a bad friend, you are ill. You deserve compassion and understanding from yourself as well as those in your life. I wanted to share this article with you as I feel it is especially profound.
I doubt that your friend is as upset as you are. I know that most of my feelings of guilt and worry that others were upset with me is more my being upset with myself. You are not alone with the feelings of guilt and separation. It will take time, but you will learn how to allow your friends to adjust to your bad days. If you give them half a chance they will adapt, those that won't aren't worth wasting the little bit of energy you have on. My friends know that some days I just can't make it out. We have learned to be willing to make changes in the plans. On times I am not up to going out and meeting them they come over to visit. If I'm really bad they only stay a very short time, just long enough to let me know they care. Other times we might order in and just talk or play cards. When I gave up the guilt and allowed them to know my limits they were more than willing to make allowances.
I am sorry that you feel that your friend would really be angry at you and that is really hurtful to me.
I can not fathom a friend that would get angry at me because I had to cancel because I am ill. That being said I do of course understand how you feel. Please do not suffer with quilt over something like illness that is clearly out of your hands. You mentioned that you have a boyfriend and he sounds supportive of you and that is indeed something to be grateful for . I read the other posts who gave you some very good advice .i wish you all the best and send you love for your birthday and