Long before I had a name for Fibromyalgia flareups, I studied the arts of healing, in particular the mind, spirit body connection. I wanted to understand why my own rhythms, and in the early years it was 'fatigue' more than pain. The pain would accompany it years later, due to soft tissue traumas that had been aggravated too many times.
This is my first post, on recoveries and failures. Tonight, I'm just starting the journal. So, there's a lot more to the story that I'd like to share.
In some ways, the overall theme, has been a lot about recovering an authentic sense of self. Learning to grieve losses, and recover from them mentally and physically.
For ten plus years, I worked as an Administrator and was very good at my job. It was an 'in the meantime' to studying to become a lawyer.
The long hours of sitting however, eventually made this work not only tedious but dreadful on days with fatigue or body pain. Fortunately, I had 2 years of being able to be financially free of any worry or stress, and I found myself able to apply knowledge into wisdom, and self-discipline.
It was hard at first, and a part of me doubted I could do it and have any real results. But I was wrong. I woke up diligently ever morning around 5 a.m. and began the day with a meditation and Asanas. When I became stronger over a few months, I added Yoga Kriyas. At first the whole routine would be no more than 1 hour. Then I would fix a healthy breakfast, and get on with my day. And over the coming months, my days were not only longer and more fulfilling then they had ever felt, but I was actually progressing in all areas of my life, most importantly my health.
The more I was able to conquer this ritual, the more I began to get hunches, about where to go, what to do with my time, and who to listen to. I had 'discernment'. It was for me, in spiritual terms, being aligned with my higher divine self. My inner voice of intuition and I began to trust myself.
I explored many new paths, some that I had left behind in childhood. And they provided hours of focused enjoyment and entertainment away from my usual social circles, that I realized I kinda wanted to leave behind anyways, for various emotional reasons.
I was on a path of loving myself from the inside out, and it felt amazing inside. I began to glow, and my health began to get consistently stronger. One day, I thought, hey you're laying here feeling a whole host of pain, tension, and tears, why not go and get a massage? So I did. It was amazing, and I had a night of full deep rest. I mean I slept all the way through the night, and woke up just before my clock the next morning, feeling..... ((((wait for it))))) refreshed!!!!
During this time, I was reading the book, "The Artist's Way", and was specifically in Chapter 2. Recovering a Sense of Identity.
I am revisiting this book, and this chapter again in my life, and will share some more about re-birthing this sense of I Can, and I Am in my life.