Comfort for sleeping question

Hey guys and girls,

Since I found out I have fibromyalgia, I have had to sleep on the couch away from my boyfriend. One .... he snores, and I have horrible sleeping problems. Two ... the bed has a swoop to it in the middle, plus when he lays down, I tend to lean, scoot, or roll down to where he is. I sleep the best while lying on my side, but I can't anymore bc it makes my hip and entire leg hurt like Hades the next day. Is there some sort of cushion or pillow that I can put under the hip I am laying on? I have found a pillow to put in between my knees, but nothing to put under me. I would appreciate your ideas. Hugs!

Susan, I just want to jump in and address your boyfriend's snoring - snoring is one symptom of sleep apnea. It doesn't have to mean that someone has sleep apnea but it is a red flag. Does he wake up still feeling tired? Headachy? Stuffy headed? Does he have a thick, short neck? These are some other red flags. He might want to get it checked out as people with sleep apnea can have serious issues develop from the sleep disorder.

Okay, that lecture is over. :-)

Susan, my first thought is that you need to be sleeping on a soft bed. I have a foam pad that I take along with me when I'm going to sleep on a couch. Our local Fred Meyer store sells them. Most people buy them for camping. I too have real bad hip pain when lying on my side, but I need to sleep that way or my neck gets messed up. I also have a wonderful pillow that my husband bought for me. It's kind of shaped like a hook or a question mark. It supports my neck and my head, but gives great support. The long part of this odd shaped pillow goes in the back and I can actually lean back against it. It's quite wonderful. I've tried to find it on-line to send the address to a friend, but I can't find it. He purchased it at Bed Bath and Beyond. It's a side, sleepers pillow. But do get a thick foam pad that you can lay on. You can cover it with a sheet or whatever. You need your sleep. Comfortable sleep is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I wish you the best.

Also, I agree with Petunia Girl about the sleep apnea. Could be a problem for him.


i have a simmilar pillow but mine came from target. its made by Boppy and it desigined for pregnant women. i love it.

well your boyfriend needs to see a dr about his snoring. Like Petrina said its not good.

it sounds like you need a new bed. no bed should sink in the middle. there is no way that can be good even if just one person sleeps in it. i know beds r not cheep but the places that sell beds always have sales and a lot let u try the bed depending on the brand. my bed is older so i have aa 4 inch pad on it that i got at walmart for just over $100 dollars for a queen size. there r many different types of mattress pads you can get in all types of depths.

as far as pillow for your hip i would look into a wedge pillow. that way you can choose the comfort level and how much is under you. i am not sure if it would work. i just know what ever you use couldnt be real thick. it might be best to get a thinner mattress pad and maybe fold it in half and put that on the couch till u can get a new bed.

i wish you lots of luck finding something that will work.

Susan, you really need to consider a new mattress, I understand why you can’t sleep with your boyfriend, but more importantly you shouldn’t be sleeping on a couch, oh my goodness I wouldn’t be able to walk, our sleep issues and pain are hard enough, add sleeping on a couch … Not , I feel for you, there are so many things we can not change, but a comfy bed is one we can. If financing is the issue, I would buy a cheaper one or look on Craig’s list for a cheep one and put it on the floor. I think anything would be better than a couch. Perhaps he should get that snoring looked into, it’s not fair to you, our sleep is so important.
As far as a pillow or something for your hip, I bought a 31/2 inch mattress foam topper for my bed, even with a good mattress it didn’t help much, but who knows maybe my morning pain would be worse without it. Something to look into, also a board between your mattress and box spring may help with the dip in it, along with the foam topper, maybe he could take the couch sometimes and get that snoring looked into.
Hugs & blessings

Susan, those foam toppers are really great. While I stayed in Florida, I had one covering the futon I had to sleep on. In case you aren't aware, futons have HARD metal bars that run across the bed in the back area. I was even able to manage to "forget" pretty much about the hard metal bar, which is no mean feat. Those foam toppers really can improve your sleep. And mine was a $20 one.

Hey, Dee, I sleep on a couch, it's all I can manage to sleep on at home.

And finally, before getting a used bed, check for bedbugs. Look on the mattress for red or black stains. The bugs themselves are small but can be seen by the naked eye. Unfortunately you have to be hypervigilant about them these days because if they follow you home, it'll cost you booku bucks to get rid of them.

My best to you and I hope you find something that helps to give you better sleep, Susan.

Hi Susan,

Sounds like you need a new mattress! There is no substitute for one with our widespread pain.

I sold furniture and mattresses for years, and the Simmons Beauty Rest has been my personal favorite, and present on all of my beds for the very reasons you name. When you do get a new one, do not get a pillow top, those are quickly smashed down, and found to be either too hard or too soft at that point, and make sure you don't get it too soft to begin with. I have learned the hard way on this, believe me!

Hope you can get some relief!

Love and hugs,


I agree that it's a good idea for him to get his snoring checked out. My husband did, years ago. His problem was a deviated septum. He had nose surgery to fix it (tough surgery too) and still snores terribly. :/

I can't sleep on anything but a water bed. That's been the case for most of my adult life. When we bought our house in 2001, my husband wanted a regular bed. I agreed to give it a try. We bought a very expensive mattress, and furniture (headboard, etc...). I struggled for a year and finally told him I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to sleep. So then we bought a very expensive water bed (pillow top, looks like a regular mattress, uses regular bed sheets and a regular bed frame). And we couldn't use the expensive headboard anymore, so all of that went to the basement.

Regular mattresses kill me. I don't care how firm or how soft they are - they hurt. My water bed "gives"... when I lay on my side, the mattress moves down under my hip - it doesn't press against it. Same with my shoulders and elbows. When I used to go on vacation (before lupus - I don't vacation anymore), I couldn't take long trips... couldn't sleep in hotel beds. Oh, and having a mattress that puts out heat is helpful for all my painful areas too.

Hi Susan,

Here is an idea for you. I know that pillows work ok but they are not really designed for the pain you are describing because they are not thick or sturdy enough to help. I would consider getting a knee pillow (and it's not just any pillow). They are very thick so that your knees are further apart and they are also firm for support. You can find them online and also possibly at your local pharmacy. Good luck

I feel sorry for people like myself & others that have fibromyalgia . Its bad enough having that but not being able to sleep makes things worse. I need to use a cpap machine but thanks to my sleep number bed even if I can't sleep I can lay there without pain. I have tried to sleep on other beds but my body hurts too much to stay in bed. My number on my sleep number bed is set at 45. Hope this might help people that just can't find a way to be in bed without everything hurting. Dave

i use a foam mattress topper on top of my mattress i find it a lot better , it stops me waking up in pain in my hips and leg hope this helps

Susan…I agree with some of the other gals…a new matress is in order. If you can swing it, I recommend a tempuroedic cloud…and icing on the cake would be the adjustable version. Like you, I sleep on my side and the best pillow i have ever used for my back to keep me propped up is a tempurpedic pillow…they are a pretty penny but i like it. As for sleeping with your man…as much as I adore mine, he had to start sleeping in an extra room because he’s a noisy sleeper, but we actually started doing that over a year ago when he caught a bad cold…i cant afford to be exposed to it…and we all know that four sleep is the single most important thing for healing. :slight_smile: So go treat yourself to something new!


Hi Susan,
The one suggestion I haven’t seen is to push your bed against the wall so you can lean on it at night. The reason that I used to sleep on the couch was so that I could lean on th back of the couch to get the pressure off my hip. I too need a new mattress! And I am listening to the suggestions. I think I will start with a thick pad from Walmart.

I can’t sleep with my boyfriend anymore either. The snoring won’t stop regardless of what type of pillow you get. I bought a memory foam topper. Get one at least 3". With your mattress sagging, it may take a thicker one. i also just got a 10" memory foam mattress from for less than $300. you just have to check the site daily for good deals. Some people like those body pillows.

My brother has fought snoring forever, had every test done, had that thing in the back of his throat removed, wears a C-PAP machine, everything. But they still can’t sleep together.

Good luck and hugs.

Iv been sleeping apart from my husband for 2yrs now . He cant sleep while im on my insomnia kick and need tv for comfort. Plus I snore I guess. Lol. We had to by a new mattress to

Susan I feel for you. I struggle to be comfortable whether sleeping or sitting. And I have virtually no stamina to stand long .. and the hip thing is a problem. One a pillow between the knees can help relieve that but obviously its not enough on it's own. The advice of a new mattress or a pillow top cover for the one you have is a good place to start as well as making sure ur boyfriend is okay. Apnea is a real problem , if that is the cause for his snoring, for him just as much as the snoring is for you.

I find sometimes a heating pad around that area of my body- hip,lower back, upper leg. Can really help the muscles chill out which can help pulling on the hip. Also if not a wedge pillow for ur hip a very small one like designed for when ppl fly can work. I use to have two, one for between my knees and one for whatever side I was laying on (hip). It doesn't stop all pain but it can help make it manageable. Sometimes sleeping reclined (with back support) can help a lot.

I hope you are able to find away to sleep better. *hugs*

If there is I'd like to know too. I've slept in a lazy-boy for 5 years, the bed hurts my shoulders, hips and knees. If I sleep on my back, it hurts. The chair takes the pressure off, and I sit on a heating pad and have a heated throw on my knees. I miss sleeping with my husband, but I don't what else to do. Charlie :)

I so know the problems trying to sleep with a snorer. The bottom line is I think the best thing for those of us with FMS should sleep alone! Haven’t slept with my husband in the same bed for 4 years because he won’t wear his CPAP machine and when he does he tosses and turns so much it comes off and all I hear is whoosh! We have the worst problems with sleep and really need the whole bed. I sleep in a king bed with my dog and 5 pillows! One I use for reading and when I try to sleep on my side - it’s the kind that looks like a horseshoe or hook like someone else described. Got it at Walmart. Also have 2 body pillows on each side of me so that I can throw a leg up when my hips hurt or if my legs bug me. I have 2 head pillows that I switch during the night - depends on if my neck or head hurt. You do what you have to and use what you can - maybe a rolled up blanket could help until you find something that works. If its your place and your bed - make him sleep on the couch! You need your sleep for your health so do everything you can to rest.

Sandi, I’m reading how you sleep and you sound just like me, I’m surrounded by pillows and support , my heated blanket & I got a sound machine for Christmas at it sits on a pillow on the other side, ocean waves… So soothing … I don’t think I could ever sleep with anyone … The slightest noise wakes me