Seriously it’s 2 days past Christmas and I feel like I can not function!! In fact I am hardly functioning!! This year has been much different then other years . We lost my Mom in-law 2 months ago who was like a 2nd Mother to me during the holidays we would have many phone calls I would shop for her because she no longer could she treated me like a daughter . She lost her only daughter 30 yrs ago to a drunk driver… She would say God sent her a Angel after her loss when I married her Son. This is the first loss so close I have endured since my diagnosis. I did not realize how much her loss would effect me. During the initial days after her passing I was so strong and ran for days planning her arrangements down to every detail of what she would wear . My husband was so strong before her death and was with her when she passed so it was very hard for him. So I step in for our family and took the lead. I Handel it all very well it was just beautiful memorial… My family was happy & great full . I work at a elementary school just 3 hrs a day which is perfect for me. I am now off for 3 weeks . And all the emotions and grieving for this beautiful woman has just now hit me! I managed to get thur Christmas it was very hard physically & emotionally … But now I feel like I am seriously not going to get off my recliner ! I am taking 2 Norco twice a day and Tramadol midday to help with this PAIN it throbs and is pulsating ! I must share the bright light in this year is the birth of our 1st grand baby ! Jayden is 9 months and she brings me so much joy!! I also have a daughter 19 with Fibro who is having a rough time I am her caregiver and support ! Thank God she is up and about today and feeling much better!! Has anyone been thur a loss of a close family member and has felt the way I do and if so what did you do to manage and get back in your feet as best as possible ?
First off - let me offer my condolences. The holidays are always hard when we have lost a loved one. They say it takes a year for us to recover from that. We need to go through all of the seasons and all of the holidays that goes along with it.
From what you have written. -- It looks to me like you have handled everything VERY WELL. You remind me of my own mother, whom I love deeply. She's the type who would take charge, get the the things done that have to be done. Then,.. when it's all over, she would crash (for lack of better wording). You see, my mom is advanced diabetic. And when the situation was all over - her sugar would get out of control, very badly I might add. It's a different scenario (health wise) but, it has similar results.
Having said that - I think it's just the type of person you are. You lend a hand wherever it's needed no matter how difficult it may be for you. Then when it's all over, your body tells you "enough now". I went through this myself when a close family member passed. Or.. as I prefer to say;... Moved on. I found a few days of nothing but rest is the best thing you can do for yourself. Give yourself and your body time to recover. Grieve, cry like a baby and let it out. I have a feeling you didn't do that yet. At least not to the point where you need to. I prayed a lot too. If you believe in that - I suggest that too (smiles). An extra hand never hurts (wink).
THEVE LOST SEVERAL FAMILY MEMBERS DURING THE HOLIDAYS.MY MATERNAL GRANDFATHER DIED DECEMBER 11 1997.IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT.HE HAD PNEUMONIA THE SATURDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING AND WAS ADMITTED TO THE HODPITAL.MY SISTER MINDY WHOS DOWN SYNDROME KEPT SAYING CHRISTMAS TREE.WE TOLD HER AFTER HE GETS OUT OF THE HISPITAL.AFTER HE DIED MOM DIDNT FEEL LIKE PUTTING UP A TREE BUT SHE LOVED HER DAUGHTER VERY MUCH SO SHE PUT OBE UP.ITS VERY DIFFICULT TO GET THROUGH A HOLIDAY WITHOUT A LOVED ONE.MY SISTER MNDY WAS RUSHED TO THE HODPITAL DECEMBER 21 2004.SHE ST9PPED BREATHINT2 TIMES.THE DRS DIDNT EXPECT HER TO LIVE.THE SUNDAY AFTER CHRISTMAS THE HOSPITAL STAFF SAID IT WOULD BE A GOID IDEA TO CALL OUR CLERGY. IT WAS SUNDAY AFTERNOON 1 PM NO ONE WAS AT CHURCH.A CLERGYMEMBER CAME FROM A HALF HOUR AWAY.THE NEXT DAY THE CLERGYMEMBER I CALLED CAME.MY MINISTER HAD 5 CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICES SND WAS ON VWCATION.PASTOR JOHN CAMEMOM WAS IMPTESSED AND I WAS VERY GRATEFUL.2 DAYS LATER THEY SAID IT WOULD BE A GOID JDEA TO LET HER GO. ALL THE FAMILY COULD EXCAPT FOR DAD AND 1 SISTER.MOM WANTED TO WSIT UNTIL HE WAS READY SHE WAS DADDYS GIRL.MOM SAID IF YOURE NOT READY I WANT TO GO HOMW.THE NEXT MORNING AT 3 AM SHE I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.AT 6 AM SHE SAID I BROUGHT HER IBTO THE WORKD IM READY TO SAY GOODBYE ARE YOU TO DAD.SHE TOLD THE STAFF WE WERE READY TO LET HER GO.IT WAS DECEMBER 28 AND THE FUNERAL WAS NEW YEARS EVE.SHE HAD 3 FAVORITE HOLIDAYS. JULY4TH CHRISTMAS WNR NEW YEARW EVE.SHE EOULD CUTUP PAPER 1 WEEK BEFORE NEW YEARS EVE.AT MIDNIGHT SHE EOULD THROW THE BIG HUGE BIX IN THE AIR.OSPET ALL OVER THE FLOOR.TSKE 1 DAY AT A TIME AND APORECIATE THE TIKE YOU HAD WITH THEK AND ENJOY EACH DAY YOU HAVE WIT LIVING FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
Hi Susan, I’m so sorry for your lost , I lost my brother last year and physically it hit real hard, emotionally I’m still recovering. loss is such a difficult thing, we have to keep going but it’s not easy ! I would recommend you listen to your body , allow for more rest periods , treat your self to message, yoga, baths , what ever makes you feel better double it , triple it ! You have done a lot and now your body and mind need a rest !
Hang in there , sending you many hugs
Thank you for your kind words Ben. You were spot on with your words . I have allowed myself these last 3 days to relax and will probably continue on tomorrow. I sometimes feel guilty when I do nothing . But have pushed myself so much that my body has totally crashed. I do need to find time all by myself to grieve because if I do cry in front of my husband I feel as if I am not being strong for him . I do believe it God & prayer it’s what gets me thru each and every day… Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and help me thru…
Thank you for sharing. Sounds like your sister was very special. I am going to do just that as I do everyday with Fibro one day at a time. Thanks again.
Thank you Tina for your kindness. I guess I already knew what I have to do rest, rest, rest . But it feels good to hear from others that it’s ok to do just that. At times I feel guilty when I am down. I know we will be ok it has been hard due to the timing of Moms passing she passed on Oct 14. But had been in the hospital since the end of Aug. she spent her bday there . Then on Oct 9th was my father inlaws 93rd bday on Oct 11 th they celebrated 66 yrs of marriage . Then boom Thanksgiving & Christmas… Mom suffered with Congestive heart she was 85 and we know she is no longer suffering & we can not be selfish. I know I will be ok it was just a lot in a short period. Thank again for your help.
Thank you for taking the time to help me thru this. I am sorry for your loss also. I know I will be ok it’s just getting use to the fact she is not here anymore to talk to and to call us as she did so often. I know she is no longer suffering & that is comforting. And I have been resting a lot but you are right as soon as I feel I have enough energy I will go out for a massage . Thanks again.