Can't take this


I’m going to make it through this. There may be dark and painful days at times, but I refuse to give up the fight. I thank you all for the words of support and encouragement.


Hello. I have not been on for a bit since I have been so depressed about my situation. I fell on the ice last Monday and pulled my shoulder pretty good. Now I am having extreme headaches in the back of my neck and head in the exact same spot. I am sure I did not hit my head. My life sounds a bit like yours. I ask God each day to take me. I am just so done with everything. I love my daughter but she would be better off without me. I have no insurance and cannot get any kind of medical assistance. I am currently getting the only help I can from a community health clinic in KC. They just do not understand what I am going through. I cannot get medicaid either. That ended when my daughter turned 21. Well now my daughter is supporting me and that is just wrong. I have applied for disability, been denied and told my hearing will be in 2021. That day was so so bad. Recently got a letter that they are now going to hold my hearing in June. So we will see what happens. The other problem is that I still cannot get any medicare assistance till the 25th month after the acceptance of disability. So now what. I am also in need of drastic surgery. I need my abdominal wall rebuilt. So just another day in paradise. Eric, I am right there with you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We will get through. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but we will all will get through.


Carolyn, thank you for writing. I finally got the denial letter and all it said was that they felt that I could still do some “meaningful work, even if it’s part-time.” My question to myself? Who would hire you like this? What could you do when it hurts to sit, to stank, to lie down? When your mind can’t seem to stay focused, even on little things? When your writs are also constantly hurting from arthritis? I see why people give up the fight. as for the suicide? It’s a daily struggle. A few months ago I found myself in the bathroom with a belt around my neck trying to find the will to give up. I thought about my youngest son, who was 17 at the time, and I told myself that I needed to see him turn 18. Now he has, So, now I tell myself that I need to see him graduate. Anything to keep going. This is horrible.


Hello Pink, and thanks for taking the time to reach out. I’m truly sorry to hear about your heath issues. Dealing with Fibro is difficult enough, even with heatj care. Not having healthcare and other problems to go along with it makes things just about unbearable. I 100% can relate to you with the depression and how it makes you feel like a burden to others. I wish that the rheumatologist had told me that I had something that could be cured or that was going to kill me. To hear her say Fibromyalgia and that it won’t kill you but it won’t go away either was crushing. I pray for you and the others here that they we can all somehow find peace and comfort.


A female relative of mine has debilitating migraines. When she was in court she was on the 17th or the 19th day on a 21 day migraine episode. It wasn’t her lawyer who asked the “Job Expert” questions but the Judge. She received her Disability.
I once was in So much Pain that I was Bawling & everything that had worked before didn’t this time. My niece brought me to my Primary’s office for him to see exactly what was going on during a Flare. I received a shot in the hiney & my niece took me home to her house so she could keep a watchful eye on me.
My advice, if you live in a big city (100K+) go to Planned Parenthood or Catholic Social Services or Salvation Army & explain what you are going through & do they have any ideas or phone #'s who you could contact to help you.
Are either of your children still attending HS or in College? They can go to the school Councilor, councilors have an unlimited supply of who They can contact to find who You need to talk to. Peace & Light M


Ericau I am sorry you are feeling so low I am an ex nurse who also suffers from FM pleas go and see your doctor and tell him or her exactly how you are feeling and appeal against their decision not to give you the allowance and remember you have a family who love you and when you are feeling low you can come on here and there is always someone who will speak to you and try and help you work through problems.


Eric, you and I are in the same boat. Fortunately I am too soft to hurt myself. I wish you were also. Please do not do anything to yourself. No matter how much we hurt, our children need us. This world in my opinion is morally falling apart and we have to live in order to help our children make the right choices. As I stated before I often pray for God to take me. I have come to the conclusion that when I finally get everything worked out and all is going good, that is when my time will come. So since Fibro is a never ending fight, I will be here for quite a while. LOL


I’m so sorry to hear that you are in such a bad place. I don’t know if you can reapply for disability. I got it by following a book called Disability Workbook by Douglas Smith. I got copies of all doctors/medical reports and submitted them with my application. Look on the internet for legal support , including appeal advice. Good luck!


Thinking of you tonight and praying for you.




I think these links can help all that apply for disability. I have an attorney and just recently took in my hard copy paperwork to the Social Security Office. The packet they sent me laid on my desk for almost 2 months. I’d take it out once in awhile and just feel overwhelmed. Once I finally decided to complete the paperwork, I started with the easy ones (just needed signatures). That left answering all the questions: What are your illnesses, when did they start and how do they limit your activities?. I called my lawyer and they said to go into as much detail as possible. Then I went online and settled on the 2 web sites above. These links list in detail what Social Security is looking for and even explain the “severity” that they are looking for. They don’t just want a list, they want a detailed explanation of a whole list of things. And if certain things aren’t listed, you won’t qualify. For me, along with the Fibro, I was also diagnosed with depression, severe fatigue and arthritis. So I went into detail on each of these. I know the fibro is my main reason for not being able to keep a job, but I got the impression that depression is approved much more often than Fibro. If you read through these 2 sites, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
Also, you have the right to appeal and/or refile. I’m not sure about the timelines in your state, but here in Indiana, getting declined on the first try is the norm. You’re just getting stated then.
I hope this helps. I lost my job in October and will be running out of unemployment here soon. Luckily, my husband still works and we’ve found some ways to cut back: lower speed internet, shopped all our insurance and cancelled the disability ones, my neurologist is working with me and only having me come in every other month, my primary doctor is only having me come in every six months, I found out that those Rx Prescriptions cards actually work (sometimes more savings than insurance).
I don’t know how this will all work out for me, but I have to keep trying and be honest with my doctors about how I’m doing. Two weeks ago I didn’t see any reason to keep trying, but hey and additional anti-depressant and everything looks better today. Not the final solution I want, but it will get me by for now. Once I get disability and medicaid or medicare (whichever it is :)), I’ll start seeing a therapist and I think I can get off some of the anti-depressants.

Becky (in Indiana)


Also, Thinking of you all and praying for you.


Hi, thinking and praying for you tonight.
I can understand why you feel ending your life is the way to go but yes the hurt would end for you but it would continue for your family. Because right now they see what you are going through and they might not tell you in so many words but they are right there with you.
You see My husband and I were seperated a year ago and he actually attempted suicide a year ago today, May 18, 2017. My kids and i had to drive 3.5 hrs to get to the hospital he was at and it hurt me so much to hear them crying the whole way to the hospital. That day will forever be etched in my mind, in the minds of our children and in the minds of his family. While he was in the hospital I agreed to take him back and once he was released he moved back home with us. But I can never forget my childrens faces- the pain, fear, anguish, the look of being lost. And that was just 2 children that lived with me my 17yr old & 23 yr old. My 20 yr old lives in Alaska(Army) and he had to learn about what his dad tried to do by his sergeant & fly 14ish hrs home alone with his thoughts & grief.
Please, please, if you ever think of suicide again will you please call the suicide help line or the help button on here before you do anything. I beg you. You’re loved, needed,cared for and wanted. I know things are hard but remember God doesn’t give us anything we cannot handle. You got this! We are all here to support you & cheer you on. :heart:


Thanks to everyone for your words of support and concern. I filed my appeal today so it’s wait and see. While in the office I had a flare up and was in tears. Last Monday I had what was the worst day of my fibro life. My friend was with me and she said that she had never seen me that bad. This is tearing me apart. Just trying to hold on for better days.


I got my denial letter last week. My lawyer has already refiled and wants me to contact them with all of this information: upcoming doctor visits, results of the visit, any change in medications, and change in dosages and any bad flare ups. Okay, I can do all of this, but it makes me a little angry. If all of this detailed information is going to help this second time, why didn’t they do it the first time. But I understand why they need this. The denial letter listed 2 reasons: length of time not working was too short and without more information they thought I could still do the work I was doing before. So we try again. In the meantime I have no income or insurance. And my flare-ups or something has gotten worse. The doctor thinks I am either having more intense flare-ups or a possible heart problem. I’ve already had an EKG and some really in depth blood work. So far all of that has came back good. They now want to do a stress test and an MRI. I can’t afford those until I get some form of insurance. I’m having extreme sweating, face looks like I have a sunburn and I feel like I’m going to pass out. The sweating is not like hot flashes and there isn’t any heat with this, like you would have with hot flashes. It is so bad that I can dry one arm and before I can get the 2nd arm dry, the first arm is completely wet again. The only things that help is to have a fan blowing on me on me while lying down. And if I get up too soon the symptoms will return. My hair will be soaked and water running down my face and dripping on the floor. I can’t dry it with a towel. As soon as I take the towel away the sweat is back in full force. Most of the times it seems to come on due to exertion. But very little. I can load or unload the dishwasher and this will happen. Has anyone else had this as a symptom of Fibro?


Hello Lelakay, I know what you’re going through. I was denied as well. They said something about I could still earn a living, even if it’s part time. And something about there are other “disability” programs out there that they felt my case would likely qualify for. What other programs? No one can tell me. I filed my appeal, even though I lost my health insurance and can’t see my doctors anymore. I applied to see if I qualify at the local clinic. They seem to want a million and one things. I have no source of income. I haven’t worked in almost 2 years. I don’t understand why they make it so hard. This is really hard to deal with. I don’t have the sweat issue, but I’ve come to understand that some of us may have a symptom that others may not. I have this tighting of the upper part of my body, tingling that comes and goes, spasms (that’s what the doctor called them the are more like balls and patches of burning beneath my skin), and what feels like pulled muscles, these all can happen over every part of my body from my face to my feet. My scalp even hurts sometimes just to touch it. And onto the fact that I have post traumatic arthritis in both wrist and clinical depression to battle makes this almost unbearable. Since being diagnosed with this I’ve had a heart attack and constant high blood pressure , which is always very high when I’m in a lot of pain and flair ups.There’s not a day that goes by where multiple times a day I just want to end this. Things that I use to take for granted like bathing myself, washing a dish, dressing, are all either painful or very uncomfortable to do now. I walk my 12 year old Shih Tzu and he can now out pace me even with his leash. I more hobble now than walk. I cannot see myself enduring this much longer, especially without health care. Sorry for the rambling. I hope that things work out for you and I’ll include you and all the others who suffer with this horrible disease in my prayers. God bless.


when I went to a lawyer for my appeal the lawyer told me my depression due to the illness is actually more important than being sick. it’s all so sad. listen I have thought about not wanting to be here for several reasons, not just the fibro. but the fibro escalates the feelings. even if you get the disability you’re going to have to deal with feelings of worthlessness and losing the life you once had. please don’t hurt yourself. this place is a good place to come when the fibro has you down. everyone understands unlike most family members. my daughter just asked me no matter how bad I feel to promise her to walk with her tomorrow. it’s hard to tell a 9 year old that doesn’t understand that you can’t just do that. my husband is also not understanding the degree I suffer with this. and it has gotten worse over the years. I’ve had it for about ten years now and it just started with pain but now I have a list of symptoms. my fibro doctor understands but he always wants to do testing that I don’t need to make more money on me. he’s known for this with others also. there’s no medicine that helps me and I refuse to take narcotics or other heavy drugs. the pain is actually the least of my problems now since I am sick to my stomach all the time and have bathroom issues and now I am dizzy a lot. I feel tired all the time too. but I tell you something. I do find reasons to go on. if God wants to put me through this test then I accept it. I pray for healing but haven’t gotten it yet. we all have a purpose in this life though. it has made me more understanding and I use my life experiences on 7 cups to help others who have problems sort them out. it makes me feel like I am contributing in some way. sometimes I go on there for others to listen to me. the best people I’ve found to talk to are crisis specialists. when I really feel like throwing in the towel I call and talk to someone about my problems. God has blessed me in my life and I see where he has even though sometimes illness blinds me to it. you will get that social security I pray in Jesus name. just know that almost everyone gets turned down the first time. you have to be dying to get it the first go most of the time. and they really don’t look at fibro the way they should. but you will get it. and when you do you will have a lot of backpay coming to you that will straighten out all the time that you’ve lived without. just don’t give up and keep pushing on no matter how many times they deny it. I know your struggles and I wish I could take them away from you. remember your wife needs you and it would devastate your family no matter how old they are to hear you killed yourself. I know that everyone would believe me if I left a note about my suffering and killed myself but what would it really do for anyone? I know I am loved even when i’m not understood. and it would hurt several people if anything happened to me. not to mention if you do something then it makes it easier for your own children to give up in their lives later when it gets hard. this is a trial for you. you will have many more. but NEVER give up. we matter. we all do.


Patty. I was just reading your post to Erica65. I’m also going to do some research on her behalf. There’s got to be attorneys out there that have compassion for us.
One thing that struck me me was when you said you had to gear up to “normal” before your husband got home. WOW…I thought I was the only one that had that “ I’ve gotta put on my happy, I feel great suit” before I see some people. Thank God my husband isn’t one of them: peace be with you on your journey🙂


Erica please please don’t give up. I’m going to do some research and I’ll get back to you soon. You know you’re not alone. Everyone’s journey is different but even with that we that have this terrible thing will understand. Message you soon. I hope peace will be with you today🙂


Hello Sherri5, thank you for your kindness and support. You gave me a smile because you referred to me as a “she” in another response. My name is Eric and my middle initial is A. It didn’t dawn on me that someone would see it as Erica. Thanks for the giggle and smile.


Well, I just received the answer to my appeal, and once again I was denied. I honestly don’t have it in me to carry on this fight. I remember when this started getting to much for me and I told myself, “You can do this. You have to make it to see you youngest Graduate High School.” He graduated this month. There have been times when I felt as if God himself were playing a cruel joke on me. A battle of him seeing how much I could take and me seeing how much I were willing to endure. I spoke with my oldest son last week and he must have heard something in my voice because he called me the next day to see how I was doing. And he said, Pop I don’t know what I would do if I ever called and you didn’t answer. And I were to find out that you were no longer her for me. As painful as it was to hear those words, it is as painful to live life in constant pain, without enjoyment, and without the help that you seek. No one should have to live in such a way.