Can't take this


Dear Erica62,

I have been thinking about you all afternoon . I’m trying to figure out a way to get them to give you the disability . Can they really do that without giving you a reason what the heck

Will your doctor kill it? He needs to just give them whatever they want understand why you can’t have disability . Being in pain seems like a I don’t know kind of inevitable to me that things have ended up this way. I battle depression and anxiety my whole life now I almost wonder how to get through it without just absolutely crying ? My doctor gives me Lyrica three times a day it really doesn’t help but I don’t want to say anything I’m afraid she’ll take that away if I do . He has been try so hard to help me it almost makes me hate myself even more it really does. I wanted to cheer you up . There has to be a way that I can help I’m trying trying trying to think of one. At least we can talk to each other this is a very isolating disease . My husband’s away right now he’ll be home in about an hour it’s a lot like I have to start gearing up to @normal .

I am thinking of you and praying for you and I am with you in spirit I know what you’re going through

I am so glad that we can talk to each other I will let you know if I come up with anything. Take care .

Your friend

Patty Martin


Thank you so much for your kind and caring words Patty. I’m not handling this well. I called the Suicide Prevention hotline twice yesterday. Though it helps to get things off your chest, they are still there when you hangup. I’m trying my best to fight this.


Thank you T, My biological father, who I never met, committed suicide, so it seems that as bad as things are for me that I’m doomed to a life of pain and depression because I don’t want to leave my kids with the idea that it’s a way out of you troubles.


ericau62, I’ve been thinking about you. Why did you lose medicaid? if you can’t work to the point you’ve attempted a disability claim don’t you qualify for medicaid? Check here for more info:

Or, failing that, various obamacare plans are still floating around out there, it might be worth finding one so you have enough coverage to maintain active doctor’s care which will then open you back up for attorney assistance.



I was able to use my son as a dependent. But he turned 18 and I lost my coverage. For some unknown reason a single male can’t get Medicaid unless he’s freaking dying it seems. The Obama care told m that you have to be making a certain level of income to qualify. I don’t understand the system. When you suffer like this you would think that they would help you. I see why people give up.


Erica - i know exactly how you feel, and only those of us with this chronic terrible odd disease can say that. i have had fibro about 38 years and the med that helped me caused osteoporosis. sometimes all i can do is shuffle to the bathroom, feed the cat and myself and sit down. Regarding suicide…my 25 year old nephew killed himself in his parents home many years ago. The results on the family have been long-lasting. My nephew never imagined how each family member would blame themself for “not knowing” or “not doing something” - how his parents would never get the picture out of their minds of when they found him. Our family holidays, dinners and celebrations still have an empty hollow feeling after 30 years. The devastation is unbelievable. I know how it feels to think I cannot go on another day with this pain. With dreams that will never come true because I am no longer capable of lifting, driving, walking, all the things that ordinary people do. I cannot understand why none of the meds help me. they helped 38 years ago, but i have built up such a tolerance. But i have a daughter and grandchildren and I simply cannot put them through what we all continue to experience with my nephew. Keep your son and his feelings in mind. you are valuable to many people, even those you have not met. You are valuable to your Maker. you are NOT your father. you have control over yourself. I pray you will be able to fight through this dark period of your life. I live in Nebraska and we have a free Legal Aid department. Call some government offices and inquire. Do you live near a large city as there is probably a free health clinic to line you up with a doctor. Ask your doctor’s office for a full package of all your health records and visits from the last 5 years. You need something in writing for the court, not just your words. Make copies so if you find an attorney you will still have a copy for yourself. Keep reading and writing to US and keep your chin up no matter what. One of the keys to this problems is WHY did you lose your medicaid. did you turn paperwork in too late? there might be some help for that. If your income went too high, then “they” say if you can work to earn that much money, you cant have medicaid. The problem to be determined is WHY did you lose the help? Perhaps if we knew that, someone here might have an answer or a beginning to help you. with Love, Carolyn in Nebraska


Eric, you’ve seen how much people around here care, and how they are prepared to reach out to give you the support that they can. There are times, though, when nobody’s here or what you need is to talk, in real time, to someone who understands and won’t judge you. That help is here as well.

At the top of the home page, on the right, is a tab called “Help”. Click on that, and you will see who to call. The people on the other end of that telephone line are trained professionals who understand what you are going through. Will you promise us that you’ll call them for support when you are feeling like you can’t continue?

Please, Eric, give us your word.

Seenie from Moderator Support


I’m going to make it through this. There may be dark and painful days at times, but I refuse to give up the fight. I thank you all for the words of support and encouragement.


Hello. I have not been on for a bit since I have been so depressed about my situation. I fell on the ice last Monday and pulled my shoulder pretty good. Now I am having extreme headaches in the back of my neck and head in the exact same spot. I am sure I did not hit my head. My life sounds a bit like yours. I ask God each day to take me. I am just so done with everything. I love my daughter but she would be better off without me. I have no insurance and cannot get any kind of medical assistance. I am currently getting the only help I can from a community health clinic in KC. They just do not understand what I am going through. I cannot get medicaid either. That ended when my daughter turned 21. Well now my daughter is supporting me and that is just wrong. I have applied for disability, been denied and told my hearing will be in 2021. That day was so so bad. Recently got a letter that they are now going to hold my hearing in June. So we will see what happens. The other problem is that I still cannot get any medicare assistance till the 25th month after the acceptance of disability. So now what. I am also in need of drastic surgery. I need my abdominal wall rebuilt. So just another day in paradise. Eric, I am right there with you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We will get through. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but we will all will get through.


Carolyn, thank you for writing. I finally got the denial letter and all it said was that they felt that I could still do some “meaningful work, even if it’s part-time.” My question to myself? Who would hire you like this? What could you do when it hurts to sit, to stank, to lie down? When your mind can’t seem to stay focused, even on little things? When your writs are also constantly hurting from arthritis? I see why people give up the fight. as for the suicide? It’s a daily struggle. A few months ago I found myself in the bathroom with a belt around my neck trying to find the will to give up. I thought about my youngest son, who was 17 at the time, and I told myself that I needed to see him turn 18. Now he has, So, now I tell myself that I need to see him graduate. Anything to keep going. This is horrible.


Hello Pink, and thanks for taking the time to reach out. I’m truly sorry to hear about your heath issues. Dealing with Fibro is difficult enough, even with heatj care. Not having healthcare and other problems to go along with it makes things just about unbearable. I 100% can relate to you with the depression and how it makes you feel like a burden to others. I wish that the rheumatologist had told me that I had something that could be cured or that was going to kill me. To hear her say Fibromyalgia and that it won’t kill you but it won’t go away either was crushing. I pray for you and the others here that they we can all somehow find peace and comfort.


A female relative of mine has debilitating migraines. When she was in court she was on the 17th or the 19th day on a 21 day migraine episode. It wasn’t her lawyer who asked the “Job Expert” questions but the Judge. She received her Disability.
I once was in So much Pain that I was Bawling & everything that had worked before didn’t this time. My niece brought me to my Primary’s office for him to see exactly what was going on during a Flare. I received a shot in the hiney & my niece took me home to her house so she could keep a watchful eye on me.
My advice, if you live in a big city (100K+) go to Planned Parenthood or Catholic Social Services or Salvation Army & explain what you are going through & do they have any ideas or phone #'s who you could contact to help you.
Are either of your children still attending HS or in College? They can go to the school Councilor, councilors have an unlimited supply of who They can contact to find who You need to talk to. Peace & Light M


Ericau I am sorry you are feeling so low I am an ex nurse who also suffers from FM pleas go and see your doctor and tell him or her exactly how you are feeling and appeal against their decision not to give you the allowance and remember you have a family who love you and when you are feeling low you can come on here and there is always someone who will speak to you and try and help you work through problems.


Eric, you and I are in the same boat. Fortunately I am too soft to hurt myself. I wish you were also. Please do not do anything to yourself. No matter how much we hurt, our children need us. This world in my opinion is morally falling apart and we have to live in order to help our children make the right choices. As I stated before I often pray for God to take me. I have come to the conclusion that when I finally get everything worked out and all is going good, that is when my time will come. So since Fibro is a never ending fight, I will be here for quite a while. LOL


I’m so sorry to hear that you are in such a bad place. I don’t know if you can reapply for disability. I got it by following a book called Disability Workbook by Douglas Smith. I got copies of all doctors/medical reports and submitted them with my application. Look on the internet for legal support , including appeal advice. Good luck!


Thinking of you tonight and praying for you.




I think these links can help all that apply for disability. I have an attorney and just recently took in my hard copy paperwork to the Social Security Office. The packet they sent me laid on my desk for almost 2 months. I’d take it out once in awhile and just feel overwhelmed. Once I finally decided to complete the paperwork, I started with the easy ones (just needed signatures). That left answering all the questions: What are your illnesses, when did they start and how do they limit your activities?. I called my lawyer and they said to go into as much detail as possible. Then I went online and settled on the 2 web sites above. These links list in detail what Social Security is looking for and even explain the “severity” that they are looking for. They don’t just want a list, they want a detailed explanation of a whole list of things. And if certain things aren’t listed, you won’t qualify. For me, along with the Fibro, I was also diagnosed with depression, severe fatigue and arthritis. So I went into detail on each of these. I know the fibro is my main reason for not being able to keep a job, but I got the impression that depression is approved much more often than Fibro. If you read through these 2 sites, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
Also, you have the right to appeal and/or refile. I’m not sure about the timelines in your state, but here in Indiana, getting declined on the first try is the norm. You’re just getting stated then.
I hope this helps. I lost my job in October and will be running out of unemployment here soon. Luckily, my husband still works and we’ve found some ways to cut back: lower speed internet, shopped all our insurance and cancelled the disability ones, my neurologist is working with me and only having me come in every other month, my primary doctor is only having me come in every six months, I found out that those Rx Prescriptions cards actually work (sometimes more savings than insurance).
I don’t know how this will all work out for me, but I have to keep trying and be honest with my doctors about how I’m doing. Two weeks ago I didn’t see any reason to keep trying, but hey and additional anti-depressant and everything looks better today. Not the final solution I want, but it will get me by for now. Once I get disability and medicaid or medicare (whichever it is :)), I’ll start seeing a therapist and I think I can get off some of the anti-depressants.

Becky (in Indiana)


Also, Thinking of you all and praying for you.


Hi, thinking and praying for you tonight.
I can understand why you feel ending your life is the way to go but yes the hurt would end for you but it would continue for your family. Because right now they see what you are going through and they might not tell you in so many words but they are right there with you.
You see My husband and I were seperated a year ago and he actually attempted suicide a year ago today, May 18, 2017. My kids and i had to drive 3.5 hrs to get to the hospital he was at and it hurt me so much to hear them crying the whole way to the hospital. That day will forever be etched in my mind, in the minds of our children and in the minds of his family. While he was in the hospital I agreed to take him back and once he was released he moved back home with us. But I can never forget my childrens faces- the pain, fear, anguish, the look of being lost. And that was just 2 children that lived with me my 17yr old & 23 yr old. My 20 yr old lives in Alaska(Army) and he had to learn about what his dad tried to do by his sergeant & fly 14ish hrs home alone with his thoughts & grief.
Please, please, if you ever think of suicide again will you please call the suicide help line or the help button on here before you do anything. I beg you. You’re loved, needed,cared for and wanted. I know things are hard but remember God doesn’t give us anything we cannot handle. You got this! We are all here to support you & cheer you on. :heart:


Thanks to everyone for your words of support and concern. I filed my appeal today so it’s wait and see. While in the office I had a flare up and was in tears. Last Monday I had what was the worst day of my fibro life. My friend was with me and she said that she had never seen me that bad. This is tearing me apart. Just trying to hold on for better days.