Haven't been on here in a while - life gets so crazy sometimes. My husband has been very supportive over the years. We've definitely had our ups and downs. It's taken him time to come around to a lot of things and to not be so impatient or what have you. He's been a wonderful caretaker in many respects. Overall he's usually given me the benefit of the doubt and/or researched things out and come around.
This last week things have come up and now it seems like every thing that causes him the slightest bit of suspicion is under investigation. We were going to go to an in person support group in our area, but I'm not feeling up to it and have an appointment tomorrow I have to make. So I'm not going. When I brought this up to my husband he actually told me he was going to see "what's real and what's not"? I get logically (and maybe it would have made more sense for him to have this in the beginning) that it's good for him to see how it "really" is for others or if I'm just using him or something. But to have what feels like a trusted best friend decide to do a double take and want to start calling BS if things seem just a little too over the top hurts so much!!
I think the worst is that after so many years of being told "It's all in your head" and even siding with them so I could get whatever help I needed, only to find out it actually is real and that whether anyone else understands or not I don't need permission as to how, when, and what way I'm sick. I know what's going on and I can insist upon what I need even if no one believes me - it's really hard to do. And as strong as I can be, it really wears a person down. I almost always felt he'd give me the benefit of the doubt even if he couldn't quite make sense of it. Don't get me wrong - we've had our "you don't do anything" accusations and so on. But generally he's been supportive and may times my only support.
Guess, I just need support to not sink back into that "am I really just crazy?" pit.
Hope you're all doing well!!
Butterflydragon, don't be so hard on urself. U r not crazy & ur Hubby knows that too. I believe it hurts him to see u go thru all this crap. Our spouses really do luv us & sometimes we have to put ourselves in their place. With all the craziness & I know for a fact it's crazy because I've lived it for so long.......how would we handle the shoe on the other foot..I wonder @ times how my Hubby has lived w/me all these years & have asked him. Seriously, I find it hard to live w/myself. This invisible disease has everybody Baffled!! They can't get it figured out & it's frustrating because the SYMPTOMS are many & endless. Our life is not dull by any means. I remember back when I did stupid stuff trying to get my Hubby to divorce me because I didn't want him to waste his life on me, but he luv me & says it's til death. He certainly has to luv me to go this many years w/all the crap. When u calm down just have a heart to heart talk w/him to see where his head is at. He's ur only support rite now, so u need him. also, be good to urself & try not to stress ...it'll only make it worse. Let me know how it goes.
Your post really rang bells for me. I've only been sick for about 2 years and in the beginning my husband was all about "what can I do for you". Now, however, if I should mention that I'm hurting, I see him roll his eyes or say "here we go again". He reminds me that he hurts everyday because he works so hard. Since I'm presently not working those types of comments just make me feel so guilty. I can't help but feel like he thinks I too am faking or at least "exaggerating". I really hope things get better. We've got 23 years married. Fibro has taken a lot from me, I'm not about to let it take my marriage too.
so sorry what u guys are going thru Butterflydragon & Rosie. U r so rite....do not let FM steal ur marriage. It has already robbed u of so much more, don't give up or in..... u been married a long time. I've been married & sick longer than than u & he has stuck rite here thru it all. Rosie, u know how our hubbys r....after so many yrs we become like siblings instead of spouses. So we act as such. My hub & I just laughed about that. During my first yrs of not working I carried GUILT bigger than Texas. I thot he was mad @ me 'cuz I could no longer work...that was 24 yrs ago. Therefore, for numerous years I carried this guilt around & it made me sicker & sicker because I wouldn't talk about it. I wouldnt mention anything about my pain. I literally suffered in silence, blaming myself for my condition. What a waste of time. If only I had sit down & had a heart to heart talk w/him years ago....I could HAVE SAVED MYSELF TONS OF PAIN. Since the talk I let go of the guilt & I've never been more happy in my marriage even w/ this disease. We must talk to our loved ones, b'cuz many times we just feel stuff that's not really the way we perceive it....(((((hugs))))
....thanx Lovett & TinaWi, I feel so passionate about this subject & both of u have given some great advise, A lot of people don't like to touch on marriage, but from experience knowing what could happen, for our sanity we need to talk it out & keep things real with one another or move on. That may sound harsh, but our health & well being depends on stress free environment.
Family members tend to get aggrevated with themselves when they can not help us. Even the ones who have always been supportive and helpful. I hope soon that things are better.