Bad days

Good morning everyone

hope your day is starting off as a good one, me not so good of a start already in pain head to toe. But had a bad evening last night my anxiety is really bad this week because of my concern for my 17 year old Grand Daughter who just got dumped by her first love and is totally heart broken and she is not dealing with it well as you can imagine all the stinkin thinking that is going through her head. So spent my day yesterday and the evening talking to her via face book to keep her mind in a positive place because she wants to hurt herself and I won't let that happen. So please send her prayers and good thoughts to get through this. I would love to bring her here but School has started and that can't happen so Mom needs to keep a close watch on her.So this puts me in an even more of a bad place as I too am battling deep depression now myself and as you all know Stress makes Fibro worse. So I need to keep my focus on her not myself in order to get through this time until her mind is in a better place, She is my first born Grand child and I love her so much if anything should happen to her that would put me over the edge. So I must stay strong for the both of us.
sorry I wrote a blooming novel. Any ideas how to help to get through this for her or myself would be greatly appreciated.

((gentle hugs))

Hello LaurieDottie

There is no need to ask for forgiveness. I'm sure there are plenty of other members who have/or are where you are worrying about some young person in their family. We know that the worrying is not going to help the person in question and that it can only cause us stress which sparks more fibro pain. Yet somehow it seems hard to not worry. If we could just have faith and remember that God is with us all the time. If we could just remember to "cast our fears on Him" and leave them with Him to deal with.

Have you thought about sowing in some future stuff with your beautiful much loved granddaughter. Recently one of my granddaughters had been talking suicide. I got into action, and started talking about things like would she like me to buy her an air ticket to visit me in three weeks for the weekends. That bought three weeks when she agreed she would love this. So I very quickly bought the ticket and rang her and said it was in the mail and asked her what she would like to do that weekend. She couldn’t come up with anything so I suggested we go to a movie then asked her to go online after we finished talking and look at what was on and email me what she would like to see, she did so and I realized that she had now committed to being alive until then. When she came down for the weekend I started talking about Christmas and how we were all going to be together for that and what we were going to do. I asked her if she would come to the airport to pick me up when I arrived and suggested she could take me to her favorite op shops on the way back to her place, she got excited and started talking about the shops she liked best, I saw a spark coming back into her. Sometimes when kids are in this place we do what we have to to get them inked back to life and it is important we do and people in the given up stages need that first aid and fast. I’m fortunate that I can read the signs quickly as I work in mental health facility.

What a wonderful way you handled the situation with your granddaughter.

That is some amazing advise Lindy-Loo. This seems like such a good group. I have been here a few days, trying to figure it out and learn about the people here.
Laurie, are you on any meds for your depression or fibro? I couldn’t imagine going on without it. I’m very sorry you are going through life struggles right now. 17 is a very hard age for girls, you’re first love can really break your heart.
I’m sorry I don’t have much advice about that. I really like what Lindy said! Seems like a wonderful way to bond. Maybe you could be pen pals. It is very exciting to get a letter in the mail. Facebook can be very toxic for a teenager, in my opinion. I hope she is not dealing with too much drama there.
Mabe she can write you or in a journal where it is private. That got me through a lot as a teen.

Hi Cara nice to meet you,

Me on meds omg yes for years for Depression,Panicattacks, High anxiety, Post-tramatic stress disorder, Agoraphbia, Tons of supplement due to my Gastric Bypass 5 yrs ago, plus High blood pressure meds, Acid reflux,restless legs syndrome meds, a few different med for bowel issues, meds for bladder incognance.

And now on a few new meds for newly diagnosed Fibromyalgia this past july.

So YEP! On meds that's for sure.

My Grand daughter and I are super close and tells me everything and open book to me thank god and I have always told her there is nothing you can do or say that I would not still love you. I am always here and have been with through this every day even while she is at school I send her messages and she replies how she is feeling. But the stinkin thinking bad thoughts are less and less thank god. She is coming to stay for the weekend so I have something fun planned for us to go on Saturday she seemed pleased about it. So I will see better with my eyes how she really is. But thank you all for your wonderful support, your an awesome bunch to say the least , thank you so much for caring (((((((BIG HUGS))))))) but gentle ones :O)

Amen to that , thank you Rachel :O)

Thanks Tracy, yes I am being good to myself as well. And she seems to be calming down some so less worry for Nana .

I’m so pleased your grand daughter is coming to stay with you. There is nothing more valuable than time. Time spent with grandchildren especially when things are tough for them is good spending. My grand daughters tell me things they don’t tell their parents. I’ve been privileged that way with mine especially the oldest one. I was the first to know she was pregnant and had miscarried. I was able to advise her re needing to tell her mother because she needed to see the doctor. No one knew she was pregnant up until this point and she needed support and especially the support of her mother. It was a sad time for her and she also needed to talk about it and I gave her the time to do that. I don’t try to take the parents place which is why I gave her a week to tell her mother about the miscarriage or I told her I would need to tell her mother. She rang me to say she had told her mother and on the side I checked with her mother- she had. I love my grandchildren but I don’t try to take the parents place when it’s something serious. Of course they tell me things, talk about boyfriends or what’s going on with their study and this I am able to just be an ear or even try to steer them in the right direction. My grandchildren say I’m not like a grandmother as I love reggae music and they often come and borrow my clothes the older ones. I don’t dress like a teenager but I do dress trendy, I love bright colours and I still like the hippy look.
Kim just so very pleased you will get this precious time to sew love into your grand daughter. Enjoy

Hi Lindy-Loo

Your letter is so full of wonderful ideas, I have some in play already and broken through the wall so to speak.

I do have Agoraphobia so going place unfamiliar would be out of the question but I have planned a trip to The Big Sky Ranch it's a animal rescue farm with all different kinds of animals. I feel at peace there and so relaxed being a animal lover I am hoping to volunteer thee one day when I get my health up a bit and all my test results back to know where I stand. But she too loves animals so we are planning on spending the afternoon there feeding the animals. So this is good for both of us. Thanks again for you wonderful input Lindy-Loo (((gentle hugs)))

Dear LaurieDottie

How very fortunate your granddaughter is to have you and your support. That is the most important thing.

Aww your so sweet thank you. I too don't take the place of her Mom I encourage her to talk to her and tell her everything as she will understand ,as she too has been there. She told me mom knows a chapter but Nana knows the whole book. I am so please that see feels she can say anything to me knowing I would not judge her and still love her no matter what I will always be there for her when ever she needs me she is my first born grand child and she lived with me when she was younger so we are very close. So looking forward to our outing we both need this. Your Grand daughter is lucky to have you (((gentle hugs)))

Well thank you, I am so please we have that kind of relationship that I can help her and she keeps telling I am helping her so this is pleasing news to my heart & ears :O)

And your grand daughter is so lucky to have you! I just love my grand kids but like you I’m extra close to my first born one, she’s been through so much and it was she who said to me- it’s not your fault- when I was trying to say how very sorry i was that my then husband had done what he did to her. She kept saying to me Nana I don’t blame you, it’s not your fault you didn’t do it. The support has been mutual, while I supported her through the court process that followed, she equally supported me as I finished my 34 year marriage when he did what he did. I’m so blessed to have her and the other eight grandchildren in my life.

Hello LaurieDottie and welcome. I'm sorry that you have such a tough situation at home to deal with.

Oh, the pain of your first breakup! And at such a vulnerable age, to boot. And oddly enough, I was reading about Princess Diana tonight, who, as you know, went through such a humiliating public break up. My thoughts about Diana were,"Couldn't a kindly older woman have come to her aid and listened to her and counseled her?" And there you are, a somewhat older woman, counseling your grand daughter. Just what Diana needed. So my answer to your question is that I think it's important that you keep counseling her on the matter, even sharing any similar stories that you have an how hard it was to accept and how you eventually did and why you did. Real stuff, real feelings about it. I think it's really important that you be there for her because her friends might not have the maturity to advise her well right now. She needs your mature stability and comfort. Could she possibly take a few weeks off and stay with you if she took homework assignments with her?

Then I'd try hard to engage her in an interest and try to get her to pursue it, once the worst part of the trauma has died down. If she likes art, maybe buy her a ticket to an art show. Or send her info on an art class that she could take. Engage her in what she likes and try to help those interests blossom. Being less dependent upon a man and what he thinks of you and more independent about your own likes and interests helps to keep a girl from expecting everything from one person and then being devastated when they fail to deliver.

Good luck to you! I've already put your grand daughter in my prayers. And my, she is lucky to have such a caring grand mother in her life!

I agree!

Lindy Loo,

That's a sad situation and you handled it so well. I can't say any more than that because you did everything so right. If only more parents and grand parents were as loving as you and LaurieDottie; the world would be a better place.

Thought I would report in me not so good full body pain the past two days and not the best sleep. But on a better note My grand Daughter is in a better frame of mind and is hopeful for happier days ahead but she is still so very sad by her loss but at least out of the dark place in her mind.The hardest part for her is that has set seating in one of her classes she shares with him and he sits right beside her.

She skipped the class the second day because she couldn't handle sitting beside and feeling ignored. So I encouraged her to stand strong and go to the class and when you sit down say good morning to him and she did and yes he responded so at least she felt good about that. We picked her up yesterday to spend weekend an tomorrow her and I will visit Big Sky Ranch and feed the animals and have a picnic together. Something I need so very much myself as I crashed big time yesterday was extremely depressed and I hurt from head to toe. Plus I guess I was worried about going for my MRI on my brain this morning. They saw something on my CT Scan and Now MRI the wait is going to drive me crazy for the results. So I will need to some how distract myself my mind anyway or my pain will get so much worse.

Hope your all getting some pain free moment ((((gentle hugs))))) to everyone

Aww thank you, your a sweat heart yourself :O)

And I agree more Parents need to step up to the plate there are so many teenage suicides these days my Grand Daughter WILL NOT be one of them as long as I am still living.

She is able to talk to me better than her Mom who is on another planet these days , she has found true love for the first time in her life and so she is distracted plus there are 4 other children so it's hard all the way around I guess. But I just have myself, my loving supportive hubby and are to little dogs and on total disability so have lots of time for my Grand kids pain or no pain I will always be by there side and love them unconditionally no matter what they do Nana will always love them to the moon & back . ((((gentle hugs)))

Hi Laurie, sorry to hear your pain has gone through the roof at the moment. This too shall pass. It’s hard waiting for results of tests scans etc, but not amount of worrying will change the outcome which you already know. It’s times like thesenthat I use mindfulness, staying in this moment, enjoying this moment and continually have to remind myself that tomorrow concerns will not be changed by me worrying about them today. You are right about stress increasing pain. One of the things we do when stressed is begin to tighten our muscles which just begins the merry go around of increased pain. It sounds like your doing all the right things having time with your grand daughter, taking time out together to enjoy a picnic. One thing I decided early on in my journey is that I wouldn’t allow this illness to rob me of simple pleasures. Sometimes I di have to rainceck on things I write myself a note when I hbe to so this and as soon as I feel able to do it I phone and rebook that coffee with a friend etc. Enjoy today and worry about tomorrow when it arrives. Gentle hugs Lindy-Loo.