Thanks for sharing your story, sometimes it helps to share stories like ours with those who really understand.
I'm so sorry to hear that your GAD and PTSD is as a result of years of emotional trauma. A lot of us have different causes of our anxiety but we all share the same symptoms as a result.
I wasn't abused or harassed, which must have been just awful for you, mine was brought on by sheer worry, fear and panic, about anything at the time, even basic things like cleaning the bathroom, cooking a meal, general household tasks, would send me into a panic at the thought of doing them. It was a terrible time, I'd spend a good deal of the day retching in the bathroom at the thought of doing anything, but at the same time, I was in such a state I couldn't sit still, couldn't read a book or do my knitting, which I usually love doing. I don't think I watched anything on TV properly for over 6 months.
I couldn't sleep, I'd wake with a pounding heart, sweating, blurred vision and terrible mental confusion.
I've had to make a lot of life changes in order to control this, I resigned from my career of 27 years as a nurse, in 2011, moved house, as I couldn't bear to live in the house I once loved, as it held such bad memories for me, I felt so locked in, every room held memories of my most anxious moments and times of panic, especially the bathroom, it was there, in utter despair that I attempted suicide........I recovered, thanks to my Husband, Son and local mental health teams, but the house had to go in order to get on that journey of recovery.
I too am on disability, here in The UK, and have to ensure my life is calm and peaceful too, like you it has left me overly sensitised, both physical and emotional, even down to types of medication and fabric conditioner!
Yes, we must learn to heal our emotional wounds and care for ourselves and those of us in the same boat. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's just a shame that when you do recover it's still there in the back of your mind and in dreams, I too have PTSD from when it was at it's worst.
I'm sorry to hear that at 45 you have it again, I'm 47, just over 4 years now since it started and nearly 3 years since it completely wiped me out, but it's still just on the point of simmering below the surface, it hasn't gone and I don't think it ever will completely, but my life changes and medication have helped me get further down that recovery road with time. I do not want it back! But my biggest sacrifice was giving up my £25.000 a year job as a UK Nursing Sister, but it was essential, else I don't think I'd be here now.
So, my life is quiet, calm, simple, no frills but My Husband and I are happy, my son is getting Married soon to a lovely girl and now, I'm glad to be alive.
Many thanks to you all for replying to my discussion...it's so good to know you're all out there...wherever you may be in the World!!!
Love and Hugs to you April.....I'm happy to chat anytime, whether it be openly on here or via a person message.