JOKES OF THE DAY

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Laughter is the best medicine, so a few good jokes a day will be great.

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messed up

Started by stephanie. Last reply by Robin Dec 21, 2012. 3 Replies 3 Likes

my husband was home and i was getting ready to go to the DR. i asked him if he fed the animals; he said he did. not one for details i asked him if he put water in their bowls. as I did so I poured the diet coke I was sipping on in the ashtray. He really knew I wasn't feeling well then. you see my husband always feels like I look FINE... I didn.t look fine to him that day!Continue

made me LOL

Started by Mama Suz. Last reply by Robin Dec 21, 2012. 4 Replies 4 Likes

Robin, thanks for the invite. I'd lost my sense of humor there for a while.So, Lady Staffordshire-Twickensham-Quarlsweather returned from the opera and called her butler, Mumferd, into her boudoir."Mumferd, Take off my tiara, my shoes and my stockings.""Yes, Mum." "Now, remove my other jewels.""Yes, m'Lady.""You may now remove my gown and underclothes.""M'Lady, yes.""Now, Mumferd,""Mum?"If I ever catch you in my clothes again - you're FIRED!" :-)Continue

Tricky Old People

Started by Mama Suz. Last reply by Robin Dec 21, 2012. 3 Replies 5 Likes

An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.""Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting…Continue

Old Age It's NO Joke

Started by Mama Suz. Last reply by MBP-P Dec 20, 2012. 1 Reply 4 Likes

A girl walked into the library and asked for a book she'd put on hold. When the librarian retrieved it she aid, "you know, this is a very scary book. Maybe you'd like to pick another.""It won't scare me" the girl replied "I've seen my grandmother naked!"Continue

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Moderator Comment by Robin on Tuesday: A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"

Moderator Comment by Robin on Tuesday: An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally, he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "for the third time, yes!"